27th June 2020 at 2:10 am #107721CamelParticipant
I’ve been posting here, on and off, for a while now. And I can’t get over the feeling that I’m irritating, annoying, probably disliked. I don’t know if this feeling is justified or if it’s a result of being a people-pleaser. an empath. Or am I simply annoying?
I don’t mean to be a know-all. I certainly don’t know it all. I went through a succession of abusive relationships (stating with the first one at (detail removed by Moderator)) without any recognition. I was out of the last (worst) abusive relationship for at least 5 years before I had a label for it. It took a lengthy route of google searches before I found myself on this forum.
I suffered years of abuse without self awareness. No one around me saw it either. That’s why I think I’m probably irritating now. How easy for me to spout advice now I’m safe! But please know that I give the advice I do simply because no one was helping me when I needed it. The people closest to me completely missed it. Under their eyes and they didn’t see it. I’m not blaming them as I didn’t see it either.
Most often I think I reply to new posts where women also don’t see what’s under their noses. They ask if it’s abuse, if they’re to blame, maybe they’re too sensitive or demanding. I answer with the benefit of my experience and hope it helps.
I hope no one thinks I’m an irritating know-all. Truly I do. I read the questioning posts and I feel a knotting in my stomach. I want these women to know that someone knows their pain. That’s all. x
27th June 2020 at 7:13 am #107729LottieblueParticipant
What’s brought this on? Has someone said something to make you feel like this?
I would doubt very much that anyone feels this way about any other poster on here. We come on here for advice. We are grateful for it when we get it. Sometimes the advice comes in the form of empathy or understanding. Sometimes it’s hardcore “know what I’m talking about” advice, regarding authorities or police or legal or court issues. Or just practicalities. Both are equally valuable.
A lot of people end up saying the same thing over and over, on different posts and to new posters. But sadly that’s the nature of what we’re going through.
I think anyone who comes on here looking for support is profoundly grateful for any response they get at all. I know I am. X
27th June 2020 at 7:19 am #107730LostmonkeyParticipant
I can echo the above – I am grateful for any responses and discussion – and it really helps to have advice from someone who has come across at least similar situations.
27th June 2020 at 7:44 am #107731ChestnutParticipant
Hi Camel, I had to reply to you as you kindly replied to me on my first post on here in May when I was needing that last bit of confirmation that I wasn’t nuts! It was 100% appreciated and I felt it was very supportive that you had replied as I think my response to another had not yet been answered, I thought that was really considerate and kind. Certainly in no way annoying and other posts you have done sound very kind and caring. I am no expert either and have noticed a lot of us write this! I doubt myself at times, still sometimes think it’s me, something wrong with me, there isn’t and you are not annoying but after a knock to the confidence especially over a long period of time I think it just takes time to build it up again. I reply in little bursts depending how confident I am feeling but I come on here and have a read everyday as it helps me, keep posting when you want to and thank you for taking the time to post to me xx
27th June 2020 at 8:44 am #107739Eve1Participant
I I think, as you say, it’s probably more to do with people pleasing and I can identify with you there. Do you think, having suffered abuse we’re sunk trying to keep everyone happy and we’re on the alert for signs we’ve upset someone. I have read your posts, although I’m not on here a lot, and I can’t say I’ve seen anything annoying. We often come here for advice ans, as above, yours is appreciated.
I know sometimes I am very sensitive to people’s reactions, perhaps when I’m looking for validation in the wrong places. Your knowledge is a helpful thing.
27th June 2020 at 8:48 am #107741iliketeaParticipant
Hey @Camel, you’re a kind and supportive person. Please don’t think otherwise. This is a fantastic supportive forum and each and everyone of us contributes to that. That is why women feel safe to post all their very personal and frightening experiences. I don’t know what prompted you to think you had upset someone, I am sure you haven’t though. Honesty is so important and I know for one I 100% appreciate experiences from women like yourself who have been through it all and can tell it how it is. Please keep replying, posting and supporting, its all so valuable. Thank you. Sending you a virtual hug on this rainy morning. xx
27th June 2020 at 9:57 am #107752Wants To HelpParticipant
Oh Camel, has someone given you the hump? (Okay, that is my attempt at a very bad joke to try and make you smile 🙂 )
Your posts are always wonderfully supportive, please don’t think for one minute you come across as anything but that. All of us on here share our experiences and what we have learned with the very best of intentions to help others going through it. There are so many of us, so much knowledge, wisdom, advice, compassion, understanding. We all have different styles of writing, but I have not read one post from ANYONE where I have thought it to be out of place. To be honest, the moderators would remove it if they thought it was.
So I’d like to reassure you that I for one do not find you irritating, annoying or disliked. Your posts are valued and informative. Some of my posts are quite direct, and I too wonder if at times they may not come across as I mean them, or my jokes!
27th June 2020 at 10:20 am #107755
WantsToHelp, the joke! It’s very clever! Not in bad taste at all. Very quick thinking! I had it in my head too. But you beat me to it! Well done! Really lovely reply! As always!💞
27th June 2020 at 10:12 am #107753BeautifuldayParticipant
I just want to say thank you lovely, as you replied to my post I posted yesterday and it really did help me as did everyone else’s replies, I woke up this morning feeling light a weight had been lifted and felt I’m not alone in this. I had to build up courage for months to post on here because I didn’t feel my relationship was abusive oand felt I was over reacting but your reply gave me a second opinion to know im not going mad and I thank you for that lovely xx
27th June 2020 at 10:21 am #107756
Such lovely and supportive replies ladies!💞
27th June 2020 at 10:27 am #107757
Hi Camel🙂 I just read your post. I haven’t seen your others yet, I’m sorry. But from what you have said here, you sound so sincere and considerate. You don’t sound guilty of anything to me. The ladies here have posted replies I see, that exactly…say it all! So smile, and take comfort knowing… your one of us💞
27th June 2020 at 11:17 am #107766Soulsearcher18Participant
There you go, I saw your post last night but I didn’t jump to respond as I’ve not long joined and started posting and to be honest- I had the same thoughts as you!!
My first thought in response though was- you’re doing grand, keep going!
I knew you’d get some reassurance from this lovely community.
I have been thinking on your post.
For those of us not long out and early on in recovery, this is a good and safe space to find our voices again. In this space I can offer support but I can also speak it as I see it and call it out for what it is, I’m not able to in other arenas. It is liberating.
Look forward to your continued posts and hearing your voice out there!
27th June 2020 at 11:17 am #107767LifebeginsParticipant
Hi Camel, I just wanted to say you’re not a know it all and thank god for you and the other ladies on this forum who share their experience, knowledge and support when the rest of us are at our lowest ebb. I don’t know what’s made you question yourself but I’m sure there are many women reading this topic and thinking you’re having such a positive impact on their negative and awful existence. I really can say that I don’t know what I would’ve done without you all, helping me identify what I’ve been subjected to is abuse when I had no one to talk to and giving me the strength to get out. I’m only starting my journey but rest assured I will be coming to you and all the other supportive women here for your advice and a shoulder to lean on to keep me going. Thank you for all the good you do 🙏 xx
27th June 2020 at 1:47 pm #107788EggshellsParticipant
Hi Camel. I’ve read so many posts on here that make me feel sad but I think that this is one of the most heartbreaking. I don’t know why you feel like this but I can totally identify with the complete loss of self confidence and the self doubt. I think it is one of the really crippling symptoms of having been in an abusive relationship. I think it’s clear from the posts that we all appreciate your input and the time you take to care and to make those posts. We believe in you and even love you in that special way that we have on here. We just need to get you to believe in and love yourself now. 💕
28th June 2020 at 4:25 pm #107978CamelParticipant
Thank you to everyone for your kind replies.Something did happen to bruise my self-confidence. It doesn’t take much. After I posted I even felt bad about what I’d said, all self pitying when there’s so much trauma still about. Anyway, I’ll try to be less self-critical. Thanks again, really appreciate you taking the time to comment x
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