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Hi, so I left my ex partner in (removed by moderator), we have a beautiful little girl who was only a baby at the time, I left (removed by moderator), we were together for (removed by moderator) years, I was (removed by moderator) and he was (removed by moderator), at the time we met, my father was (removed by moderator) and I lived hundreds of miles away, so I struggled emotionally to deal with it, so there was a lot of drink involved! When we met I had never been more vulnerable, but he had opened up about how his (removed by moderator) just passed away so I felt like we had some connection, I never intended for us to become a couple, it kind of just happened, I now see that happened because he was homeless fora while and I had the resources and the place to help him, after all no one loves you more than some one who is desperate!
I moved back home, and my (removed by moderator) allowed us to use his flat (removed by moderator) and hat is when the problems essentially started, he just didnt like my family from the get go, putting little ideas in my head a bout them making me doubt there intentions. he went back home after (removed by moderator) and came back shortly after losing his job, so we stayed at my (removed by moderator) longer, by this point I found out we was having a baby, I told him stay and be a dad or go and dont be one at all, he made his choice and he stayed.
one week later, my (removed by moderator) died. I was devastated but there was not much sympathy from my ex, he was more concerned with getting weed money.He didnt even attend the funeral, which did not go down well with my family.
I didn’t want to be with him, but I was pregnant and scared and felt so alone. through out the pregnancy I got a full time job,whilst he stayed at home, times we would argue I would be the one kicked out on the sofa,
when the baby came things were surreal, my world changed in an instant, I knew no matter what I would love my daughter and nothing would hurt us. but I was wrong.
not long after my daughter was born we moved in with my mum were he basically kicked off with everyone, he isolated me from everybody bit, by bit. i just didn’t see.
when we moved in to our house ( i know call it the house of horrors) I knew it wouldnt be long before something kicked off but I couldnt leave, I had no family support or so I beleived and I had no money.
the abuse started around (removed by moderator), it lasted almost a year, started with a slap here or there, then it led to kicking, hitting, biting head butts, alot of the time I was breast feeding or just holding my daughter, he made me bn all my family members from our house, he threatend to kill us if we left.
I had him arrested after one incident but i got scared and changed my statement, the police kept in on file thoguh and he was later charged, after that thing calmed down, for a week, he got worse and worse, to the point he told me he had shaken my daughter, when i told him I Was taking her hospital he nearly killed me. I knew then I had to get out, after another week of daily beatings one night i ran out of the house screaming, found someone to phone the police and had him arrested, he was charged on (removed by moderator), given a (removed by moderator) suspended sentence over (removed by moderator) years, (removed by moderator) year restraining order ( which I got extended) he was ordered to pay me (removed by moderator) and to go on a building better relationships course.
it really p****d me off to be honest, i felt scared to even leave the refuge, to go for a walk, he could be any were, (removed by moderator) later he applied to get access to my daughter, he used the whole thing to abuse me further and his case was dismissed,
I don’t know, it has been a few months since family court and it all seems to queit for me, instead of feeling happy and free, I fell like im looking over my shoulder, like I am waiting for him to o something, I feel like the justice system could do more, I feel like no matter what I do he will always be a part of me in a bad way and I will never fully move on from what he did, I want to feel free again. I want to breathe again. -
Hi Andrea17 welcome! You are such a brave woman – protecting your child leaving reporting. You have been through the most terrible abuse I’m so sorry that happened to you. When we are being abused like that and trying to protect our children we are just doing everything to survive and running on adrenaline. I was the same it seems strange to remember and I’m amazed I did it. Once we start to get some sense of safety we can begin to process and heal but that in itself is difficult and painful. Are you getting support? Perhaps try women’s aid, your GP counselling can help and treatment for PTSD if indicated. And please keep posting – you are not alone and it will get better you will be free you have done amazing notice how far you have come and it will get easier x*x
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hi andrea,
you are a very brave lady, and i hope the freedom programme has helped you, it did for me, womens aid also do a a course called the power to change, it can be done while in the relationship to help keep you safe, but its mainly for after you leave, and helps you make sure you stay safe, if you cannot get onto a course at womens aid, i do have a link for the paper work if you would like it, but it is better to do it as a group, as you get many peoples perspectives and some of their stories and ideas can help.
I hope you stay safe. -
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