25th October 2021 at 11:09 am #132967TribezParticipant
Hello other people here, I hope to find some direction and emotional support here, as it’s non existent in the real world. I’m going to try to not write personal information here admin but some is pertinent to this, my story and pain.
I ended my toxic relationship some years ago, I had learned grey rock techniques before doing so. The ending of it is muddled with other traumas in other areas of life which he made sure he was involved in. Due to a cognitive processing and sensory processing (detail removed by moderator)I have, it can take a long time for me to unravel happenings. I now realise that family members were taken from this family, essentially down to him. I realise now he told the truth he does not have friends, he names his people (detail removed by moderator) as they are only allowed to help him if they are in favour. I realise now he did not want me to have friends, work, family members to stay, and shamefully that happened, I became alone and ignored, and quieter and quieter, eventually silent, then poorly then literally unable to work after he left.
Covid didnt affect me as much as others, as that was already my lifestyle, some aloneness is great for healing absolutely but now it’s not. I had found my rhythm and managed ok
Things he has done won’t leave my head! Fraud, criminality, drugs, threats, fights, gaslighting, taking things and people etc I don’t know if that’s connected to the fact that my adult child and grandchild (detail removed by moderator) and I am being ignored and dismissed and have to pay every bill apart (detail removed by moderator). I feel terrible now, anxious, tearful, scared, and even more isolated than I was when I lived alone. My child has a terrible temper and only speaks at me and speaks terribly about me to others, never to me. During lockdowns (I am at risk) my child went (detail removed by moderator) with essentially strangers as a demonstration of having no awareness for others. My rhythm has gone and my home is now just a house and I don’t know where to turn. Sorry I’ve rambled
25th October 2021 at 6:41 pm #132988DarcyParticipant
Hi beautiful angel… Tribez,
Well done for posting … I am sorry to hear that you are feeling alone. I couldn’t quite get the full thread of the story as some of it has been removed but I wanted to reach out.
I think due to abuse we are use to dealing with being alone and go into a survival mode, however this does not have to be the way it is forever.
When you say you feel ignored and dismissed this can be because that’s how we have been treating ourselves inside… we think we don’t deserve more than this, but we do.
Start to give yourself some love and start to notice yourself and your needs. In abuse we can spend to long ignoring and dismissing our needs but now is the time to start to notice and tune into what you want and require. This can be as simple as recognising when you need to eat and sleep and give yourself some down time to bigger things like making wishes for the future … your future and how you want it to look
Until we notice and respect ourselves and give ourselves boundaries we cant expect others to
You are not alone and have the support of the forum so keep posting and stay connected
Sending you continued love and support
28th November 2021 at 3:11 pm #134867StartingOverAgainParticipant
Would also like to add my support.
I am aware that Covid and various lockdowns have probably not helped in that ‘aloneness/loneliness’ for those of us who may still be in recovery from domestic abuse.
Meaning opportunities we might have had, had the pandemic not come along were perhaps fewer.
I feel it is good advice thinking about your own needs. It is perhaps a long road. Not much else to offer today but didn’t want to read and run.
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