21st February 2020 at 10:15 pm #98207
There is a lot of speculation that my brother has a split personality disorder, one personality is good and the other personality is abusive and bad. It’s like two different people in one person. Being a sister to this brother with the personality disorder is TOUGH and DIFFICULT. Drives me mad! Talking to support helplines helps me get through this, talking is my therapy.
Have any of you got a family member with split personality disorder and they are abusive too?
Please note I know not all people with split personality disorder are abusive, I’m not ignorant, it’s just my brother who is not seeking any medical help who is abusive. So many years I’ve suffered from this brother’s abusive character. My brother never takes medication or go to therapy and it’s just drama drama everyday, it’s exhausting.
22nd February 2020 at 12:27 am #98213SunshineRainflowerParticipant
Does he have a diagnosis of this condition? I don’t know much about it. But I do know that all abusers appear to have a split personality because it’s part of the mean-sweet cycle where they cycle from charming to cold, withholding, controlling, cruel etc etc then back to charming again.
Regardless of the reason, keep yourself safe from your brother if he is abusive. You don’t have to have abusive people in your life, including family.
Since you’ve been around it years already it will have affected you, your self esteem and your view of men and relationships and maybe caused you to have CPTSD. Do you have any support like a counsellor?
22nd February 2020 at 5:04 pm #98242
I totally agree SunshineRain flower. I know my brother has this condition, everyone from family to friends to professionals all know my brother has this. One moment he will be the most helpful person ever, the next moment he totally forgets his good personality and he turns into an evil bully. It’s like when actors are told to act by the director and they immediately change their behaviour from good to bad. He doesn’t talk to someone about it or get medication, it’s hard to keep up with which personality he is going to transform to. That’s why I get panic attacks because I don’t know which personality he will be at any minute.
I am trying to look on the internet about my brother’s condition so I can get support on this. It’s hard living with someone like this. I am trying my best to be understanding but it’s very difficult. I phone helplines when times are hard.
22nd February 2020 at 9:09 am #98220KIP.Participant
Jeckyl and Hyde is a term very commonly used to describe a domestic abuser. Ask yourself if he behaves this way to his friends, Boss, colleagues, teachers etc would he behave this way in front of a police officer? Most abusers know that they’re abusing and choose to abuse when there are no witnesses so they’re in control, know what they’re doing. Get support from your local women’s aid. Your mental health will spiral downwards and abuse always gets worse x
22nd February 2020 at 5:13 pm #98243
Hi KIP, yes my brother has a Jeckyl and Hyde personality, the split personality. It’s so sad that I have to forget that my brother is normal, it’s like I’ve lost a brother, it’s sad. I have to treat my brother as an unwell person. I wish my brother gets help one day but for now, I think I have to look after my mental health because my brother’s split personality disorder is driving me mad. I talk to helplines, forums, other good family members and my GP. I am so thankful for the people helping me get through this familial abuse.
22nd February 2020 at 5:38 pm #98245
Also I have read that when a person has split personality disorder, they blame someone for all their problems (which is all lies and paranoia). This is what my brother suffers from, constant lying, constant blaming. My brother blames me for no reason. I have never done anything bad to my brother for him to blame me for all his life problems. I am very helpful. My brother has never had a job or relationship or anything in his life, so I try to help him but he pushes me away all the time and shouts at me. It’s the split personality disorder that is creating this way of thinking. It’s paranoia thinking. My brother suffers a lot with paranoia but he blames it on innocent people to gaslight them. My brother is always emotionally gaslighting people. And, the weird thing is my brother chooses me as the main target victim. I have no idea why I am the chosen target of most of his abusive behaviours. I am a very nice kind person. I read somewhere it’s because I am an empath. Empaths are kind people that usually attract evil people because of the opposite energies thing. Evil people like to take advantage of kind empaths. It’s a common situation, I see this everywhere, I keep seeing good people getting abused by evil people and evil people blaming stuff on the good person who has always had their back.
28th February 2020 at 3:52 pm #98527starqueenParticipant
I feel like I could have written some of this about my dad. The paranoia, blaming others, lies (or what I think are lies, I struggle to decipher what’s true and what isn’t in anything he told me), aggression. I went no contact and it was honestly the best thing I could have done. I still struggle some days with the feeling that I’ve been gaslighted on a massive scale because he put so much pressure on me to go along with what he thought was true and what he thought should happen. One thing that has helped me is actually learning about how cults work, as it did feel somewhat like that in the latter stages before I got away from him. Perhaps this might help you too – I can recommend a book by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias called Take Back Your Life, which is about recovering from cults and abusive relationships. I think this kind of thing can be very helpful when you’re dealing with abusers who also have mental illnesses. Definitely look after your own wellbeing first, IMO you’re not obligated to do anything for people who abuse you, no matter what their circumstances are.
28th February 2020 at 4:58 pm #98533
Thank you StarQueen, I will look online about the book, I would love to read it!
Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias called Take Back Your Life, thanks.
28th February 2020 at 9:08 pm #98547
Sorry to throw a spanner, but there’s no officiap diagnosis of ‘split personality’
It doesn’t exist. People.do often use this expression to explain the abusers switch between charm and horror, as mentioned before, tue jekyll and hyde characters.
Its a common observation of abusers.
This makes them abusive, not necessarily psychiatrically ill
Unless a psychiatrist has done extensive assessments and diagnosed something, just assume he’s abusive.
If you see alarming psychotic traits that mean he could harm either himself or others report it to the police, as you would any of the range of an abusers behaviours, if he then claims its because he’s ill, then a psychiatrist could be involved to make a proper assessment and give treatment.
Without you reporting it, nothing will happen.
Take care and get help for yourself.
29th February 2020 at 6:08 pm #98566
I tried telling my GP about this familial abuser but GP says he can’t force someone to therapy if the person refuses it. So I can’t force this abuser to get help. All I do is keep a log of all the times this abuser does violent and abusive stuff to me. I wrote about an incident today, I got threats from the abuser when I blocked him.I have written almost 15 incidents the abuser has done to me this year in 2020 so far. The abuser has caused so much trouble to me. Women’s Aid, Samaritans and my good family members (except the abuser) are keeping me strong.
2nd March 2020 at 1:13 am #98621
Hi again I’m sorry that you’re being abused this way.
No, noone can force therapy on someone.
However, what I was saying was that its important to report someone who is a risk either to themselves (threatens suicide) or to others (threatens to kill, harm, is violent, is intimidating and scaring you).
Its so good you have good support from other family. They also need to report any abuse or they are not protecting either.
Trouble is, it becomes so normal within families that they don’t act, and that needs to change.
Get help to make this stop.
3rd March 2020 at 10:00 pm #98729
Thanks ssid, it’s true that domestic abuse is so normal within families. It’s sad, sometimes I question my life. But I keep surviving somehow.
4th March 2020 at 9:42 am #98735KIP.Participant
Secretly record the abuse on your phone. That way you can show the police.
5th March 2020 at 1:32 am #98769
Thankfully its not normal for families to abuse, but I was saying that it is often normalised within a family that is being abused.
Sorry if I wasnt clear.
Please report and get help. If your family are not doing this either they are normalising it.
You are not so can act to report him and make him stop
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