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Yesterday, I decided to take a day off work and dedicate it to getting my house in order.
I didn’t bother wasting time putting on make-up. The day was going to be messy!
I dragged rubbish from the garage and took it to the tip. I bought myself a nice takeaway coffee on the way.
I came home, cleaned out the garage, went through all the paperwork that I’ve been hoarding throughout the divorce and put it away in box files; I sorted all my other paperwork into easily accessible and labelled pretty file folders.
I painted something outside of the house which was looking like an eye-sore. I then touched up some of the inside of the house with paint, and then did a bit of gardening, and pressure washed the outside of the house ( a friend lent me the washer).
Phew!
By the time I fell into bed, I was exhausted- but happy exhausted. I felt I had achieved masses. And the good thing is, aches or not, I slept like a log.
I think back to a couple of years ago, when my hands were trembling so much with shock and trauma, that I struggled to open a bag of peas, used to sit still for hours in shock, and was sick every morning with nerves.
😃
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Hi serenity oh thats really positive. Ive had odd days like that it makes you feel on top of the world. My youngest suffers from anxiety and hand shaking badly. Good for you though.i were in my garden last week painting the fence i find it very therapeutic. But todays the opposite im so tired can hardly move. But im trying to take each day as it comes at the moment. X
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On days you feel tired, don’t beat yourself up. Slob about and cuddle up to a box of chocolates! There will be other days you can achieve.
I just sat in my garden with a cup of tea, the birds singing, looking at my handiwork.
If my ex was here, I’d be made to feel guilty for sitting down. I’d be too exhausted to appreciate anything or even take anything in, as my senses were so filled with exhaustion and impending danger.
Now, I can sit and fully appreciate the warm sun, the beautiful bird song, the lovely taste of tea and the softness of my cat’s fur as it snoozes peacefully on my lap!
Heaven! Good riddance to the monster!
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Definetley. My gardens very peaceful and a real suntrap. I love the sounds of the birds tweeting. Its a real sense of peace. Its heaven sat round my back garden with a cup of twinings tea. Ha. Nobody at the back of you with iron rod saying for example u making the tea or what? Or u sitting on your backside all day. I guess theres a lot to be said for having our peace. X
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Hi Serenity You did so much & I hope you feel really proud of yourself. I am trying to do a little more each day but still at the stage of complete exhaustion, doing little bits and flopping in a useless heap, shaking, shattered from severe anxiety, I really struggle to keep myself busy & even when manage to do chores, my mind keeps Reliving him, I am never more than a few hours off of triggers. Today I got real brave, I went to the supermarket & actually managed a small trolley, I still hurried round, felt seriously anxious but achieved it. I came home exhausted again, fell asleep, woke cooked a small tea, which I struggled to eat but today was a better day because I actually forced myself to do it x
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Well done Serenity, it sounds like you had a great day and achieved lots! I love how you treated yourself to a takeaway coffee too, I have been treating myself to a few drinks and meals out by myself and it really speaks to my soul saying ‘I matter, I deserve this and I’m going to enjoy it!’
It’s so great when we start making progress and regaining our strength after the abusers took it away from us.
I have also recently done lots of ironing and a big spring clean and it felt absolutely wonderful, not a chore at all, because it was like cleaning out the old rubbish (him plus a load of dust haha!) and creating a clean, fresh, positive space for myself. I think these sort of manual tasks can be quite therapeutic and meditative at times too 🙂
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