Starting therapy

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

I’ve been diagnosed with complex ptsd from the abuse I suffered, and for many many legal reasons I wasn’t able to begin therapy to deal with the rape and sexual abuse. I start therapy soon to begin to talk about what he did to me…the worst things.
I’m struggling so much with what has happened and with everything that happened with court. I’ve never spoken about the sexual abuse except when I reported it to the police, and when I took the stand.

Think I need a hand-hold and some strength. x*x

[White Rose]

Hi there – talking to a trained counsellor will be so much easier than police and court! How brave were you doing that? Much braver than me!
It will be hard though and you may feel worse while you’re talking it out.
Just take it slowly and trust who ever you see. You can do it x

[Sadie]

I’m with White Rose – you’re very brave.

Sounds like it’s definitely time for you to do some healing.

hugs

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

Thank you both – I’m so nervous today. There’s so much and the counselor just needs the basics as it’s the first session.
There’s a huge part of me that just wants to run away and not go, not face up to everything. But that won’t do me or my mental health any good at all.
This would probably be easier if the trial hadn’t gone so badly 🙁

Wish me luck <3

[Nova]

LBP…HUGS! We are with you holding your hand. Online Sisters!

Hoping you find this next phase of therapy healing and brings you some sense of peace

GOOD LUCK!!! massive ammounts of love and good vibes :))

Cx

[Serenity]

Hi LBP,

It’s hard when you first begin counselling.

Don’t be alarmed if you actually feel a bit worse at first- it’s like you are lancing a boil, letting all the pus out. But very soon, you begin to feel better as you release a lot of the pent up emotions.

Make sure that the counsellor is one who you feel is helpful and ‘gets’ your situation. I think there is a great difference between counsellors. You deserve the best x

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

Hi – thank you both 😘

It went well I think. Sort of an introductory session. We touched on why I don’t let myself cry, and that he used to get angry and ignore me if i cried so now I don’t allow myself to do it.
I know there’s a lot I don’t allow myself to feel because of him, and that my not allowing myself has sort of turned into an inability. I can’t feel. We will come back to that later.

She thinks I beat myself up an she is right.

Was okay for a first session… when it comes to the next one we will go more in depth with regards to the sexual abuse xx

[KIP.]

Thanks for sharing. I can relate to the not allowing myself to cry. Always made things worse. You sound like you connected with her. She will rewire your thinking pattern in a good way. Don’t feel like you have to talk about stuff if you’re not ready. Watch out for the aftershock too. Part of the healing x

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

Hi KIP, that’s exactly it. <hugs>

I’m hoping she can help rewrite my brain, I know I need help.

Woke up thinking about how bad (detail removed by Moderator)😥
I still can’t believe it. And I keep seeing myself in my mind, breaking down, collapsing on the floor when they told me. Breaks my own heart?
Xx

[KIP.]

Hey there, rethink that and see how incredibly brave and strong you were to go through that experience. It wasn’t a failure it was a triumph of strength. Many women wouldn’t go through that. You stood up for yourself and held him accountable just by turning up! I broke down too, curled in a ball and went to my happy place lol. (detail removed by Moderator) got to see the reality of abuse and I won’t feel bad or apologetic about that. Keep moving forward. It’s a hard process but empowering when you realise the abuse has affected our whole thinking pattern. It’s worth it just to be able to see the world in reality again where it’s ok and normal to cry.

[LittleBritishPhoenix]

I do feel weak though, I was at home when the detective called me (detail removed by Moderator). She made me promise someone was coming to be with me, she was worried I was going to try to take my life. Soon as my friend walked in I just collapsed. I’ve never cried so hard in my whole life as I did then. And it hurts thinking of myself like that? I don’t suppose that makes sense?
It makes it so much worse (detail removed by Moderator), the last time I opened up, I broke down, I showed people how it felt and told them what happened to me, and it was really all for nothing. They didn’t believe me. Or at least, they doubted me. Not feeling believed really does something to you inside, I know you all understand that. x

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