Sticking to my guns

[Wiltedroses678]

So had a massive fight on the weekend,  He threatened me because I said it was over, my son was upset, he also (detail removed by moderator) things calmed down quickly as my little guy was so upset and we remained civil for him, now after a few days my partner has been lovey dovey and trying his hardest to get on my good side, but he wants to see how things go and talk on the weekend, unfortunately we own my (detail removed by moderator) and I want him out,  and I know he’s gonna kick off massively when I tell him I still don’t want to be with him on the weekend, we’ve been together over a decade and it’s always his way or high way, while I get stuck on my own everyday looking after children pets house, he expects me to fall to his feet everytime he does a little thing but then I get no praise or affection or my tiresome work,  I really want to get out of this relationship as he’s just lazy and selfish but I don’t want to just kick him out onto the streets with nothing, as he did help me get our mortgage which he rubs in my face all the time, but then I don’t want him getting nasty again, as it scares me and my boy, I know it’s all going to kick off when I tell him I’ve had enough but how can I calm the situation down without him going off on one? Any body got any advice for me as I’m dreading the weekend.

[tiredofitall]

Hi, it takes a lot of courage to make this decision and well done for getting there and deciding to stick to your guns.  I ended my long marriage just over 2 years ago and I think was in a similar situation for you.  I told him I had enough in the middle of yet another long argument but he didn’t really believe me – why would he, we’d both said it lots of times before. But something had snapped in me and I didn’t want to live that miserable lonely life any longer.  I couldn’t imagine being any more unhappy on my own than I was with him.  Anyway, I just asked him what he wanted to do about the house – did he want me to buy him out / we put it on the market and share profit etc.  He resisted very strongly for quite a while – but I insisted that I would start a divorce and that eventually the court would force the sale of the house as part of sharing proceeds  – so it was happening whether he liked it or not.  I notified the local police to say that I was starting this process and I didnt know if it would turn physical so I wanted to give them some background in advance so that if i did need them I wouldn’t need to start from scratch – they were very supportive and gave me a log number.  I will say that it was honestly the hardest thing I have done – he screamed, he tried to make me feel guilty, he shouted, he ranted, he intimidated and it was very scary at times.  But i remained resolute and resisted being drawn into his arguments.  I just kept repeating, I am not happy in this relationship and I am allowed to feel that way.  I dont need to justify my reasons any more than that. I started to keep a log of his behaviour and secretly recorded him on my phone whenever he was shouting and ranting at me, just in case I needed it.  I turned our dining room into a bedroom for me and told my family and friends.  Once he knew I had done that, he knew I meant it.   My ex didnt have a job either – he kept leaving them or causing issues with his managers – but I refused to let that affect me.  I had supported him long enough and it was not my fault that he could not support himself.

Eventually he went to live with his mum about a month before the house sold and it was a relief.

It was very very hard but life after leaving has been such a revelation – I’m so happy, the children are happier.  To be free from all that negativity and in charge of my own life and decisions is amazing and worth all of the pain to get there.

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