This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  starqueen 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #97619

    I’ve had some fairly recent experience of controlling, manipulative and emotional blackmail behaviour from a family member and in some ways I’m struggling to make my own decisions. I feel like the control, fear and guilt is still there sometimes. How do you learn to start being yourself again? I feel like I don’t know what’s right and wrong, what’s true and what isn’t, and who I can trust. It’s also hard to know that you can be manipulated and controlled like this.

  • #97633

    I’m feeling the same. controlling behaviour came from my ex and I am out of the relationship but I don’t know how to get back to being me I’m starting to rember the things I used to do and my personality that had been taken away from me. I get real anxiety for example my brother and his wife had asked if I wanted to go for coffee and I just couldn’t the thought of being in a social situation just doesn’t seem possible and that was my own family asking for coffee.

  • #97699

    It’s really difficult isn’t it? Some days feel easier than others. I feel like I’m making real progress on some days but on others it’s like I’m right back where I started. I think I’ve had an emotional flashback today and I’m starting to doubt myself, like maybe I wasn’t supportive enough and maybe I did misinterpret things/get the wing end of the stick. I know though that that’s very likely because those were the kind of things I would get from him, so it’s that experience talking rather than my own feelings.

    I hope you manage to find a way forward too, I think we’ll find/re-find who we are eventually! x

  • #97717

    I think they twist every argument and situation to being our fault that it’s hard to shake the blame off. When I left there was a lot via txt messages so I had everything In Black and white what he was saying so then when he tried to twist what he had said to try and down play what he said And blame me or call me nuts I was able to go back and read word for word what he said and I think that’s when I really seen patterns of what he was doing name calling, blame, guilt trip, and then I love yous, need you miss you. When the love you part didn’t work it was on a loop and back to the name calling. This is When I realised this pattern I realised I can not do any contact unless it was through messages or he would make me doubt myself and then be talked round to that he was the innocent victim.

  • #97722

    My journal and written account of his actions to me are currently saving my sanity. I know will help me recover long term as they show the reality.

  • #98145

    I have some text messages he sent and things he’s written down which have been really helpful because I can see it in black and white. It’s still possible that I’ll try to rationalise it in my own mind but seeing it helps to put it in perspective.

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