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    • #68283
      gladtobefree
      Participant

      Hi
      I wrote on here recently about my ex going for custody. He is only doing this to hurt me and carry on the control but I cry about it at night and I get bad anxiety attacks. I can’t bare to even think of being without my baby. He is making me out to be the crazy violent one and yes I’ve had times when I’ve lashed out due to him being very cruel but he is going to try and use this against me. Everyone tells me I’m not thinking rationally and I try to member that. I had to chase him over seeing our baby for weeks and he is more interested in his social life. The moment I cut contact is when he started demanding access. I did not dent it but said I won’t tolerate any abuse to which he got very abusive. I just want to enjoy being a Mum and not have the fear of being without my Baby on my mind.

    • #68286
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi there, you’re doing great, believe you’ll get through this. There’s so much help available it’s just knowing where to access it and that’s where we all come in. Have you been in touch with WA or your doctor. Raise your concerns about his threats and going fir custody. I’m praying that in the future all abusers lose the rights to be in the child’s life, they are poison and as such deserve to be cut out. Those people who are talking to you are right, listen to them. How’s he going to look after a child and have a social life. They are so delusional and vindictive.
      Keep posting and reading, it will strengthen your resolve to keep him out of your lives. Promise💜
      IWMB 💕💕

      • #68288
        gladtobefree
        Participant

        Thank you. I am trying to just stay focused on facts rather than fear, which is what he wants. It is so frustrating because I have no feelings for him at all and now we have separated he has become who I always suspected he was reaĺly behind all the fake promises etc. He is already trying to approach several woman from his past and some new ones but that’s history repeating itself. I don’t think it’s right that children have to be subjected to a life of egotistical and selfish behaviour. He discards anyone he no longer has use for no matter what they have done for him. I hope everyday that he gets bored of the he’s and just goes away

    • #68289
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Its really difficult ‘just’ focusing on the facts but that is what we need to do. I still live with my oh but like you have no feelings fir him. I find myself looking at him searching fir the person he was, but I just cant see him at all. Like in any walk of life when you deal in the facts no one can Loire or argue you wrong. They’ll try and convince others but they can’t convince the ones who count. Dr’s, lawyers, judges(unless they’re very good at it), but the facts always win in the end.
      Keep reading and gaining strength, and welcome to the forum. I should have written that yesterday🙂
      IWMB 💕💕

      • #68298
        gladtobefree
        Participant

        I know the feeling of not feeling anything. For a long time when I was still with my ex, I would cringe of he even tried to cuddle me. I would often look at him and try and see what I once did but couldn’t. I think from past relationships I’ve had that had been abusive or helped to remember similar feelings and knowing the signs of abuse mentally. It stops us going insane completely 🙂

    • #68299
      diymum@1
      Participant

      For me it was like having the ick, I would look at his horibble pale blue eyes and see him like a lizard or a reptile. It was like he had peripheral vision watching my every move. Like he would pounce at any time. I suppose we dehumanise them to distance ourselves, we know whats coming and we know we have to get out. Even if its forced on us xx

    • #68305
      Daisy
      Participant

      Perhaps try to speak to your baby’s health visitor, they should be able to help and advise
      X x x

    • #68318
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Gladtobefree,

      I just wanted to show you some support too. Daisy’s advice of speaking to the health visitor is really good and your local Women’s Aid group should be able to offer you some ongoing support and advice too. You are doing brilliantly. If he wants contact with your child then he can apply via a solicitor for formal contact. He will also need to commit to regular times for contact and also maintenance payments rather than just threatening contact to try and frighten you and continue to control you. Please try to find a good time to phone the helpline, they can reassure you if you are feeling concerned.

      We are all here for you.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa
      Forum Moderator

    • #68354
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      I keep forgetting about our health visitors. Probably because my children are now adults, but yes I agree with Daisy. My HV was lovely, so easy to talk to, definately contact yours 😊

      IWMB 💕💕

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