This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Wisewords 2 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #97346

    I left (detail removed by moderator) ago now. We have a baby boy that he still hasn’t come to see because he refuses to do what I’m comfortable with (coming to my parents house so I’m not alone with him and also so we are in safe surroundings).

    Upon advice from WA I tried to go no contact (dealing with estate agents &CSA, & suggested he see a solicitor about arranging contact as he wasn’t happy with my suggestions). I’ve stopped sending him photos of our baby boy because his mum posted them online (my ex and myself had always said we didn’t want his photos online). Then this week he messaged me to ask for photos and how our baby was. So I responded, tried to be civil, but he turned it into trying to scare me about our mortgage, saying he’s going to get me forcibly removed (because my solicitor advised me to stop paying because I’m having to fund living elsewhere), but he says I’ve committed abandonment and by not paying our joint mortgage, I’m not gonna be entitled to anything (I’ve paid it the last several years).
    I keep crying over him and I feel such a mess. I cry because I’m scared of what he’s capable of and I need the equity from the house for mine and my baby’s future, I cry because I miss him, I cry because he tells me I’ve left a loving family home and I cry because I’m scared I’ll never be able to properly live without him.
    I’m struggling with no contact aswel because I’m constantly thinking about him and what he’s up to (I feel like my life has revolved around him for so long that I can’t change it).
    I still love him and I thought things would have got better by now.

  • #97350

    Don’t believe a word he says. Just stick with the advice giveN by your solicitor. She’s the one that studied the law for six years at Uni not him. It’s sad but he’s just showing you that any contact will be used to scare you and try to control you again. Zero contact is hard but it’s well worth it for peace of mind. You won’t always feel this way about him, slowly you will see him for the nasty selfish person he really is. In the meantime try to take baby steps and be kind to yourself. These constant thoughts of him are natural. Your brain is trying to work through the abuse. It will ease in time. The best advice I can give you is total zero contact and to be patient in your recovery. Concentrate on you and your child. Try to build new things into your life and let the solicitor deal with your ex. Things will improve slowly but you will get there in the end x

  • #97352

    Oh my, you sound so sad 🙁 It does get better, I promise. It’s so hard for months and months. I’ve been out a while and I’m still struggling, but I don’t miss him anymore. It took a long time to get past that. Just keep going, keep posting on here and spend time around your friends and family and your baby. I wish it didn’t have to be so hard, but you’re tough. You survived all his abuse, after all. Eventually your heart will catch up with your head x*x

  • #97402

    Hi. I left again too !! I know how you feel – it’s so confusing and overwhelming isn’t it. Hold it together and have faith in your legal team. You will get there. It’s just time xx

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