Still here :(

[Starsbright]

I put my 1 and only post on here nearly 3 years ago. Here I am still in the same situation. The other week my husband got angry and threw things around the garage, he later apologized but the next day he got angry again and although he didn’t do anything physical he upset me by storming off and refusing to speak to me until the next day. There have been quite a few other incidents and the police have attended several times. After thus I asked him to move out and he initially agreed and started the process of renting a room. But then the other night he became very angry and said he was not going to move out and if I trued to make him he would burn the house down. He continued to shout at me so I locked myself in my room but he was kicking and banging on the door, it was really frightening. I told him if he didn’t stop I would ring the police and he said if ?I did it would be the last mistake I ever made. Next day he acted like it never happened. I really want to get him out of the house but I’m scared that if he funds out he will get very angry again and he can be very scary. I don’t want to leave the house because I have disabilities which make it difficult, plus I’ve been told that all the refuges are full. I don’t work as I’m not really fit to so at the moment my only income is PIP. I’m scared and don’t know where to turn.

[Lisa]

Hi Starsbright,

Welcome back to the forum. Well done for reaching out for support again. We will always be here for you so do keep posting when you are able to.

Do you have any support in place to help with a safety plan? Abuse can be very isolating and overwhelming. You might find it useful to chat to a Women’s Aid worker via our Live Chat service (weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm weekends). They won’t tell you what to do, but you can discuss your situation in confidence and they will signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Also, your local domestic abuse group can offer ongoing emotional and practical support. You can find your local group via this link: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

Space in refuges change from day to day so this could still be an option for you to ensure your safety. The 24hr National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) can search for refuge vacancies for you. All of the support available will work with you to help with a safety plan that suits you and your circumstances with your safety as a priority.

Please do keep posting to us. There is support here for you from others who understand.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Starsbright]

Update – On (detail removed by Moderator) my husband suddenly said that if I wanted him to leave then he would go there and then. I felt that if I said I wanted him to stay then he would think it was ok to continue like thus. So I said maybe it would be best if he left. He took a few things and went. (detail removed by Moderator) he was texting as if nothing had happened but I made it clear I didn’t want him back. I feel bad because I think he’s sleeping rough and could loose his job, I feel scared about how To claim and manage on benefits and I am scared because he wants to come back and I’m scared he could be nasty if I start legal proceedings. I’ve been in a high state of anxiety all day. Any advice would be gratefully accepted as to what the next steps are.

[Hazydayz]

Hi Stars right, I’ve just found your post…how’s things? Are you sorted now? Getting help? I do feel for you, I identify with all you mentioned. Hope things are improving for you? 💞

[Eggshells]

Dear Starsbright, I can understand how stressful this must be for you. Try to take it one step at a time.

Step 1. Change the locks so he can’t let himself back in.
Step 2. Try to find your local DV charity using the link that Lisa gave you. They should be able to help you with all sorts of advice. They may even be able to help you get finances and benefits sorted out. If they can’t, then they should be able to point you towards someone who can.

Don’t worry about your husband and where he is sleeping. That is for him to worry about not you. You just need to focus on you now.

Things will start to settle but please get in touch with your DV charity as a matter of urgency. This is a difficult process and it really helps to get someone to walk you through it. xx

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