Still here

[Wonderingifitsme]

Hi everyone, haven’t posted in a few months.

I recently found out he’s been cheating, he’s cheated before but I’ve never seen physical proof this time I found photos and messages. It broke my heart, I like an idiot have stayed with him. Why can’t I leave . Ino I deserve better . We’ve been together for a very very long time .
All mt adult life. We gave children , he can be the kindest loving man. Then there is his horrible side. The way I walk on egg shells, scared to upset him . The cheating the lying, he hasn’t hit me for about a year maybe less but he has hit me . Nothing like a lot of the stories but he’s hit me strangled me . Told me he could easily kill me .
He acts like he’s not bothered if I leave him .. which stupidly makes me want to hold on tighter. I’m scared to leave . I don’t have much family he’s all I have known for so long .
Thinhs have been better and he seems to he trying but in my head I know he will never change and I’m holding on for what.i want to be happy. I wish I could flick a switch and not love him anymore

[Lisa]

Hi Wonderingifitsme,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. It can be really hard when you are in it- you can’t just switch your feelings off- even though you know his behaviour is wrong and that it is abusive. He wants you to feel trapped and isolated- sometimes there is the fear of the unknown if you do leave and he may play on that- to keep his control over you.

You said you want to be happy and you deserve that- you may have to accept that the happiness you deserve won’t be found in this relationship- but its important you take things at your own pace- reach out to those who understand.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Author]

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