- This topic has 5 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 10 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Hi, I know this is probably somewhat similar to my other posts, but I am still super doubting myself. Where is the line drawn between a bad relationship and an abusive one? Is silent treatment abusive? Relentless blame? Small things like slightly changing the truth and making me feel mad? He never hit me, he didnt control my finances, well, not really but I’ve noticed feeling significantly more free now hes left. He would rage at me for chores not being done in the right way, and call me controlling. He would talk for hours whilst I had to sit in silence as it was rude if me to ever interrupt, then my head would be in a fog and I would have nothing to say.. and he would say I’m abusive because i withhold if i did try and talk he would interrupt and if i called him out on it he would say he is healthily interjecting and i needed to not be so controlling. He was also very kind sometimes, and very depressed, and i wanted to help him so badly. When the children come back from staying with him they are unsettled for days, and I worry about them whilst there there. He wouldnt attack them, but maybe he would play the same mind games with them too? I really hate all this doubt, its messing me up. Not too sure why I’m posting, I suppose just wanted to vent a bit. Xx
-
-
He sounds like he used similar tactics to my ex, talking over me, I never get a word in.
I would try all sorts of tactics but whenever it was my turn to talk he would interrupt, walk away etc. So annoying!!!
Then he would accuse me of being controlling – they must read the same handbook!!
Maybe a barometer is- would he act that way with other people? Probably not.
It’s concerning re your kids. Not sure their age and whether you could talk to them, find out? You don’t want that to be the norm for them and I’m sure there would be options you could take to protect them if you had reason to be concerned x
-
Hi Balloons
My husband is very similar with me, I’m accused of being cold and emotionally abusive because I don’t want affection, he’s currently leaving all childcare to me.
He is being polite to me and the children (apart from ranting at one of our boys The other evening about being careless about something he had asked him to help with- son can’t refuse to help either but gets moaned at anyway- so unkind) but just sits in the (detail removed by moderator) listening to music, on his computer so pretty much ignores us unless he has to interact. (Detail removed by moderator) he announced he was watching a film and purposely chose one not suitable for the children so we spent the evening upstairs Then he went to bed without saying goodnight to the children.
It feels so petty to moan about this behaviour but it feels off/unsettling as though he’s waiting until I’m overwhelmed with it all and get mad at him then I’m at fault.
I like Headspinnings barometer of us he like it with others? I know mine is not.
Take care xx-
Hi, thank you for your reply, it does help to know I’m not alone in this. And unfortunately my children are a bit too young to ask..
He definitely doesnt treat anyone else like it, I said that to him once and he told me I deserve better than being lied to !
And kitkat44 our stories could be interchangeable, he was so similar to what you describe. Funny thing is that now weve separated he does far more for the children than he ever did before, I see it as a blessing in disguise but at least he is present now.. but brings a whole host of new concerns regarding how he might be behaving and what hes saying to them and I’m not there to witness or prevent anything.
Seems like a never ending life of worry and stress xx
-
-
Hi again. So, when he came to collect the children one of them really didn’t want to go, to the point they barricaded themselves in their room. They’re only very young still. It took ages to get them out, and my ex ended up coming into the house to help. He used the opportunity to tell me how good a father he is, and how he’s been trying to tell me for ages that the children dont like going to stay with him but I never listened to him. I asked what he thought we should do about that and he just dodged the question. He said I blame him for everything and he only wants whats best for them. I felt so triggered him being back in the house, and talking to me, even though his actual words probably weren’t that bad but I felt that same fog and panic descend over me again. I feel really rattled by the whole thing, and it’s just made me even more anxious. I said it was unhealthy to talk like this in front of the children and if he wanted to talk then he could arrange a time to do that and that I felt ambushed. He said I was just controlling everything again. He said that if I wanted to talk then I could arrange a time – just repeating what I ‘d said to him although I’d made it clear I didn’t want to talk, making me confused. My head is spinning.
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
