Still silent treatment

[Buddy]

Hi guys , We are still not talking .. I have done nothing wrong so just ignoring him also.
I am asking myself the question now if he actually enjoys animosity ?
Isn’t life hard enough ?
Just fancied a little rant .. we are literally like ships that pass in the night atm , so I am managing ok ..
I have heard of couples not speaking for months on end .. but for me I have done nothing wrong apart from question things in our marriage , it wasn’t even an argument and now this !
Weird

[KIP.]

Yes he absolutely enjoys animosity and confrontation and anything else that makes him feel in control. It’s a game for him. They thrive on chaos. They are so shallow it doesn’t affect them. When he wants or needs something he will break his silence. Or perhaps get bored waiting on a response from you. If he knows you’re hurting he will continue. Try being really happy and showing it. Do something for yourself so he knows you’re getting on with your life. Smile, laugh and get on with your life. They can’t stand that.

[Buddy]

Thanks kip , I thought so .. when I look back there is always something going on !
My son has his birthday coming up , not nice for him if we are not talking .. I will have to start talking to him by then as I will do it for my son .
Always something , birthdays, Christmas, new year, always b****y something .
Yet why do I feel if I left I will be jumping into a big black hole .. very scary to be on your own .. after all these years .. yet I can’t wait for the time when I have the guts to do it .. I hope it comes soon x

[KIP.]

I think it’s years of being programmed and brainwashed and made to feel insecure and dreadful. We begin to feel the outside world is like that but it’s not. All the years I spent with abuse right under my nose. The outside world is a much more pleasant safe world that the one you’re living just now. Someone you’ve known for 5 minutes can have better intentions than someone you’ve known for decades.

[Buddy]

I have been so strong but I broke down this morning on the phone to my mum in law .. I cried so hard , my eyes look awful and I have to go into work 😬
I walked into the kitchen this morning and he had a face like thunder , I feel so sad about how he feels it’s ok to treat me this way .. I think any normal husband would feel too much empathy for their wife to do this ..
I am back strong again after my moment this morning and I even have his family on my side .. says it all x

[KIP.]

Be very careful about involving his family. I felt like you but blood is thicker than water so protect yourself x in the beginning my ex would respond to my tears in a positive way but as the abuse progressed crying was something that provoked his anger so I learned to suppress my tears and that’s not good for your mental health. Can you afford some counselling with a domestic abuse trained counsellor? You need help to get through this x looking to an abuser for your own happiness will make things worse. I’m so sorry you have to suffer this way. It’s heart breaking but there is a good life, a happy abuse free life and you deserve it. If I managed to escape then anyone can x

[Buddy]

Hi kip ,
Yes, I get what u r saying , I don’t talk about everything to her , she doesn’t know I am speaking to a solicitor on (detail removed by Moderator).
I do feel like I am suffering , I am on anti depressants and still have anxiety , I also have irritable bowel which is due to stress .
He has never mentioned my anti depressants to me even though I told him I am on then , prob as he knows why I take them .
I saw a councillor I found online , I went for about 4 weeks but she suggested I try and talk to him without being confrontational and also said woman’s aid is black and white so I stopped going .. also was very expensive .
Will look into it again , will my local woman’s aid be able to suggest a councillor do u think ? X

[KIP.]

I’d definitely speak to your local women’s aid for support too. When youre ready they can help with a safe exit plan and have access to much more support. There are good and bad counsellors but now you know it’s not you, it’s because he is aN abuser, You can ask questions about their experience.you cannot talk or negotiate with an abuser as you probably know x

[Buddy]

Thanks kip , I have been speaking to someone from woman’s aid .
I told a friend about the recent situation and she said , all men are the same they just don’t talk , they just blow up and see red .
I think to myself sometimes , if they are like this I may aswell stay better the devil u know type of thing , then other times I am ready to walk . Horrible situation x

[Wiseafter]

Buddy this has been going on so long now, I hope you are OK. I experienced silent treatment from my ex and it is devastating. I didn’t know it was abuse at the time, I kept trying to understand, to reason and even begged him – but nothing. He wouldn’t even look at me. Being ignored as if you don’t exist or having to pussyfoot around someone who appears to hate you is awful and no way to live. I think lockdown and the weeks of silent treatment were some of the worst of my life and have fundamentally changed who I am for ever because it opened the door on all the other abuse I went through, shone a light and forced me to wake up and realise my whole life was a lie. I have never felt so lonely, distraught, confused and terrible about myself and I am still suffering the after effects but the main thing is I got away from him. Buddy, it is not OK to be treated like this it really isn’t. Sending you the comfort that you do matter, you do have a voice and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect as a basic human right.

[Author]

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