Still struggling after years

[LilySunflower]

Hi all, hope you are all well today. Bit of a long-winded story, and I am sorry for that, I just really need to tell someone.I left my abusive husband around (detail removed by moderator) ago and am still struggling. We have a child together, so over the past (detail removed by moderator) he has dragged me through court over and over, made up ridiculous allegations against me, tried every emotional and mental abuse he could, and more.

We are both remarried yet he continued with this behaviour until (detail removed by moderator), a great example of the kind of things he does against me) and the court granted me an emergency break in contact. He still speaks to my son once a week and I hate having his voice in my house (court mandated I had to supervise/listen to these calls, my husband takes over when I can’t cope). I spend all day dreading this call, and get really anxious and upset. I have been really struggling with what he did to me, and have never sought help.

He promised me (threatened me) repeatedly over the years that when my son was 18 he was going to work on him to cut me out of his life. He has told all of his family and friends vicious lies about me, and so when my son goes over there at 18 he is going to hear all these lies about me. I am terried that he will cut me out of his life. And terrified of what my ex will do to me when my son is 18 and there is no more court/social workers watching. Thank you for listening, I don’t have anyone else I could tell these things to.

[KIP.]

Hi, what a dreadful situation for you. Do you have support from women’s aid. Please contact your local branch if you haven’t already. I’d advise to cut all contact with him and get someone else to sit in on the conversations. Speak to your GP about a supporting letter for court if needed. Take yourself completely out the loop here. For your own mental health. I’d also be honest with your son about his father’s behaviour and educate him on abusers, womens aid run a course for children of abusers. Give him the tools he needs to recognise and deal with abuse and coercion. He will certainly try to use his child whenever he can. Playing the victim etc. Taking back control will give you a sense of grounding. My ex threatened to take my son from me, it’s a very common tactic designed to scare and control you. Have you had counselling?

[LilySunflower]

Thankfully we are out of court now, after his arrest there was no chance of contact so he stopped pushing for court dates. I have had some trauma counselling, which definitely helped with the more serious things such as night terrors and hyper-awareness. I have tried to keep my son completely out of the loop – he was too young when I left to know anything and I have never spoken to him about it. He sees my avoidance and thinks I just hate his dad, I don’t know how I would ever tell him the truth. On a recent call, his dad claimed he owned a big profitab;le company now and that my son would inherit it, and that he had loads of money set aside for when he was 18. Afterwards I tried to caution him that his dad might not be telling the whole truth – he just accused me of hating his dad and trying to push him out of his life.

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