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    • #43230
      drowningmind
      Participant

      I feel like Im stuck on another level of manipulation and abuse,
      I spoke to my partner and told him I don’t want to be with him I said I will give him £(detail removed by moderator) to walk out of my life,
      he basically has trapped me further by saying because he forgave me for cheating(I know this was wrong and have never made excuses for it and have continuously allowed him to throw torrents of abuse at me for doing this) that I need to forgive him for abusing me, but I just don’t and I can’t, there was a point I would have but I won’t anymore I just want to be alone, I played along with it because I’m so tired of arguing with someone so stupid, like literally soooooo stupid I can’t deal with it,
      I don’t want to be with him anymore, I don’t feel like talking to him gets me anywhere, I try to have very intelligent and openminded talks with him but he is so closed minded selfish and ignorant and endlessly manipulative that is is simply pointless,
      I feel bad for leaving because he’s financially dependant on me but i don’t reveal that weakness to him as he thrives off of pity,
      yesterday he asked me (detail removed by moderator)
      He said that I am verbally abusive to him, I told him abuse works one way THATS WHY ITS ABUSE but of course he calls me selfish for this.
      He said (detail removed by moderator)
      I want to leave and send him off somewhere but he wont leave me alone, i know I will live in fear of him coming to my family home if I do and he probably will,
      I am so sick of paying for everything putting up with everything and just surviving not living.
      He drains me, his life has gotten better while being with me whereas mine is getting increasingly worse,
      I never have time to myself I want to be free and happy and away from him
      what can i say to him to get him away from me I want him to leave so badly!!!

    • #43231
      drowningmind
      Participant

      I know I have been posting alot recently i hope its not annoying, Im just trying to get out at the end of this month, I want to be free!
      Ive been tirelessly looking at flats and rooms to rent that are cheap so I can pay for a month and deposit for him and have money to give him on top of this so its easier to get away I feel as though the drastic abuse has been put on hold for the time being because he knows I want to leave,
      he says its abusive to “threaten” him with me leaving! but its not a threat every time I’ve said it I meant it I just want to go I hate him, I really do at this point, and its so sad why am I in a relationship with a man I hate!
      The last time I tried to leave I (detail removed by moderator) and I just walked away and tried to leave,the time before he blocked the door and wouldn’t let me,
      its so unfair I hate myself I hate my life and I hate being so negative about it all,
      I sound like such an annoying person these days I just feel so trapped and f-cked over by everything right now, so frustrating!
      (sorry for the rant I just need to write it all down so I can see it in perspective)

    • #43233
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey there. He is an adult and you are not responsible for him financially, emotionally or in any other way. Abusers make us feel obligated. It is your life and your choice who you spend it with. Let him get his own deposit. Just leave without any further discussions. Believe me they are not as useless or needy as they make out. Mine was threatening all sorts, begging, manipulating, professing his dying love, whilst cheating behind my back. First and foremost, abusers are liars. Ring the helpline number on here x

      • #43235
        drowningmind
        Participant

        thanks for replying,
        I am going to write down your reply in my notebook because reading it has given me such a sense of relief,
        I honestly will read it every time I start to fall for his manipulation again,
        I don’t really have the freedom to ring the helpline as I am around him 24/7 (we live in a rented room)
        I am mostly afraid he will come to my families house and harass them but I know they would rather I was safe with them then around him all the time,
        I can’t believe the cheek of them! they are so full of s-t !!!so shameless to cheat and lie and fake being in love Im sorry you had to go through that! And your right they are liars!
        x

    • #43238
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey HUn

      U never need to apologise for posting on here, we are all here for each another. As kip said u are not finically responsible for him. I highly recommend you go to your family, he may go there too but with your family around you he will avoid and be on guard. My ex used to say he’d kill my family and get me gang raped and brought back to him if i ever left, i was so scared for them that i stay with him, when i did eventually leave, u know what having my family around me , he thought twice about approaching me, yes he made threats he was watching me and was coming down, but he didnt.

      I knwo the guilt u feel as they are dependant on us, but this is the wake up call they need, i said to my ex i’d pay for a month of bill and mortgage b4 i go, they just take advantage and dont appreciate, think of yourself hun, my ex used to even say i’ve done so much for u u need to give me another chance too, but like u their comes point where nothing left to work on . its just too late

      • #43333
        drowningmind
        Participant

        hey, sorry for the late reply confused123,
        I think what I’ll do it transfer the rent money to the landlord n leave him a bit more for food n living,
        and I agree I feel I’m at the point where nothing left to work on, I can’t forgive him for how he treated me now even if he was genuinely sorry and changing it really is too late for him, I just need to cut the bs and tell him I’m leaving,
        I’m sorry you had to deal with those threats it would drive me crazy! the vulgarity of the things they say is really disgusting and offensive and terrible,
        It does make me feel a lot better to know that he didn’t show up at your house, gives me a grounding feeling that in reality he won’t bother me when I leave,
        I feel very flustered and rushed today as tomorrow my mum thinks I’m coming back home to live and I haven’t got the courage to tell him I’m leaving yet,
        well I have a few times but its like he pretends I’m not to confuse me,
        its so aggravating, I can’t wait to be free I already have a job interview lined up for (detail removed by Moderator) and I really want to get back to the real world.
        I haven’t told my parents I lived with him this past (detail removed by Moderator) but I think they probably know, Its going to be very hard manoeuvring and getting away if I don’t find a new place to put him by tomorrow, but If worst comes to worst I’ll top up on the rent and get a taxi to my parents then call the police and let them know that I’ve separated from him and may need some protection if things get nasty,
        Its so tricky bringing up me leaving I would really appreciate some tips on what to say to prevent an outburst or at least minimise,
        I feel guilty for calling the police but if i feel it will protect me I will make myself because I don’t want to be hurt anymore, thanks for replying <3

    • #43340
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey there. Do not tell him you are leaving. Get to your mums and if you must tell him then send him a text and tell him not to contact you again. Then block and delete his number. I would inform the police anyway. Speak to a domestic abuse officer. These abusers are at their most dangerous when we try to leave a relationship. Do not tell him. Just go…… You owe him nothing…

      • #43347
        drowningmind
        Participant

        hey KIP my mum wants to pick me up tomorrow and I’m not sure how to go about it as he is always where I am 24/7 all the time, I really don’t know how to leave without him getting mad, he’s around me all the time so its almost impossible to do unless I do it when he’s showering and I don’t know if he will shower tomorrow,
        I think I’m going to add a month of rent on via the landlord and leave him £200 then go maybe post the money through the letter box later on if I can’t go take it out of the wall,
        I’m really stressing about it all I just can’t stand the idea of him showing up at my parent’s house I’m sure I can find a way to distract myself though,
        I’m gunna tell my mum I’ll make my own way over n get a taxi so she doesn’t have to be involved hopefully it works out! I will keep you posted

    • #43343
      Nova
      Participant

      Hi there, wanted to show you some support and hugs, keep posting anything any time, your free hun!…Safety is your priority, and no doubt you get the vibe from on here, bottom line is that abusers are …as I said on another post, a lot of something and a lot of nothing!

      its a tough one as so much time love effort confusion manipulation love bombing trauma bonding… all that has lead to this point in time, in your life, when you have just had enough.
      We get it as we have been there with you…its one step at a time..sounds like your doing really well, building your network of good people
      …good to have your family and anyone you trust around to help you through! As Kip says you owe him nothing, though I felt like you trying to smooth things over, and placate him, even after leaving I felt a bit scared…and guess what now I talk to normal people who put me straight, (not in a bossy way just looking out for me, or chatting about normal life instead of them!…for a change! LOL)
      The abuse cycle is broken…even though its only a few months..such a good feeling, bit by bit hey.

      + I’ve had major ups and downs, having to maintain NC yet having recently had to contact him…for legal matters…I still feel like I am getting the ‘old me’ back! so for you hun keep going there is light at the end of that journey

      Hugs Cx

      • #43349
        drowningmind
        Participant

        its a tough one as so much time love effort confusion manipulation love bombing trauma bonding… all that has lead to this point in time, in your life, when you have just had enough.
        We get it as we have been there with you…its one step at a time..sounds like your doing really well, building your network of good people
        …good to have your family and anyone you trust around to help you through! As Kip says you owe him nothing, though I felt like you trying to smooth things over, and placate him, even after leaving I felt a bit scared…and guess what now I talk to normal people who put me straight, (not in a bossy way just looking out for me, or chatting about normal life instead of them!…for a change! LOL)
        The abuse cycle is broken…even though its only a few months..such a good feeling, bit by bit hey.

        + I’ve had major ups and downs, having to maintain NC yet having recently had to contact him…for legal matters…I still feel like I am getting the ‘old me’ back! so for you hun keep going there is light at the end of that journey

        Hugs Cx

        Yer its true, I want to try to at least keep him calm and not leave things raw so he doesn’t try anything crazy from the shock, thank you its good to hear that even a few months out things are getting better for you, one of my biggest worries is that things will stay the same when I leave and I wont be able to get out of the headspace I’m in now, I’m ready to step out and live my life, Its a weird feeling waiting though I feel very tetchy and unsure of what to do, I don’t want to waste any more time in this awful relationship I’m just nervous but excited and its the actual leaving that is scaring me, It feels quite like waiting to perform in front of a giant audience, those kind of nerves terrifying but exciting in a sickly way.
        I’m glad your getting the old you back & that there are ups along with the downs instead of just the downs, I’m excited to get to the place you’re at and I’ve been waiting to long, I’ve just got to take the initiative now!

    • #43355
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey HUn

      I think thats a brill idea that your mum is comming to get u, dont even think about telling him you are leaving him, when i left i just left randomnly cause of scenario i was put in with him, even when i relocated i didnt tellhim i was leaving with both kids, just protect yourself and think of yourself. I would pre call the police and warn them of your scenario that you may need protection. Stay strong hun and continue reminding yourself this is for the best and it really is , no good can come out of u telling him u r leaving, he willonlyhurt u or try to stop u , def let your mum come and collect u , the support will help u loads regardless to whether she says anything or not. When i relocated my parents did the same

    • #43363
      drowningmind
      Participant

      yer I think it’s a good idea, I’m going to just get my mum to pick me up or just leave in a taxi when I have the chance to, I am getting help in finding a refuge and I will put a months rent down on the place we live him then let him know through text then change my number, I know it’s what I should do I have my stuff packed up, most of it, I just need to find the opportunity to leave, I think I will text 101 or 999 as I know that you can text 999 but Im not sure if you can text the non- emergency number, I will google it.
      thank you so much, I’ve been all jumbled up in my head but I really think that I know what to do now,
      Im going to contact the police and let them know whats happening then call a taxi and take my stuff and leave, then go to my parents put a month of rent down for him n transfer some money to his account, then let him know, then call the helpline and tell the other charity who are helping me find a refuge and find out what I should do next, thanks so much,
      I’m excited to be back with my family

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