Still such a pushover

[Dobedo]

I’ve never been a confrontational person. I really hate being shouted at.
My ex would scream the house down, calling me horrible names I had never heard out loud.
The screaming would go way on to the night, often whilst he was hitting me, and I would do anything to get him to stop. He was a complete monster and always denied that anything was happening.

I left years ago, and I’m just not the same person. I feel like I’m a walking crime scene. (detail removed by Moderator) don’t tell my friends that just being in public really scares and upsets me.

I’m a lodger and my landlords, who know about my past, make jokes about it. They make jokes that I’m slutty and trouble and instead of getting angry I just try and laugh it off. I so useless. Any adult woman should be able to stand up for themselves, but I just feel broken. It reminds me of the boys at school who would grope me and instead of getting angry, I’d try laugh it off.

Its even worse than it was before. Whats wrong with me??
I can’t ever stand up for myself anymore. (detail removed by Moderator)

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Dobedo

I do think much of your landlords to make fun of such an horrendous crime against you.

What do you think might happen if you did say something to let them know that its really not ok for them to treat you this way? or to drop it (the subject next time its raised), or simply walk out of the room?

You’re not stupid, but you really could do with some strength building after your terrible experiences with a monster, and also the rapey school boys groping you. Thats sexual assault, criminal.

You’ve been brave to post about whats been happening to you x You were also strong to survive it and get away from it as you have, but it sounds like you need to take some time for yourself, to help you recover, to rebuild yourself and prioritise what matters to you, over anyone else. You need to heal and start to live your life again.

Could you confide in your GP how much you suffer every day like this? Its important to have your voice heard, listened to and acted on. Do keep talking here, where we understand how devastating the affects of abuse can be on a woman.

warmest wishes

ts

[Hereforhelp]

As Twistedsister has said, try your GP, explain what’s happening as your landlord may be triggering you due to the awful past experiences you endured.. sometimes GP’s write to your council which can help. Non of this is your fault, after everything your have escaped from you deserve peace/calm and certainly not to be reminded of the abuse you suffered, that’s only upto you if your decide to talk to someone…
You have fought so hard, I think you are incredible to have left and am just so sad that your landlord is being an a*****e.

Sending love ❤️

[Author]

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