Still trapped

[Stay or leave]

It has been a while since I posted. I have been in a strange state of mind. I have been acting in a way. Putting a brave face on. It all feels like pressure. 100 miles per hour. Like I am in a fast car and waiting for it to stop. My head hurts but I feel I am scared to stop and think. I feel nauseaous constantly. I have extra pressures on my mind. Financial worries, employment worries and a failed relationship he wont accept. I have been looking for someone to talk to. I used to have a counsellor until I found them no use. I am not at risk of harm. I love my family and my children mean so much to me. I have big pressure on me at the moment to do so much. I just keep going. My plans are to survive this and fix my life for the better. I feel overwhelmed and tearful.

[Bettertimesahead]

This is me too at the minute. Feeling overwhelmed, scared that my ex hasn’t accepted our marriage is over, work is manic, supporting family, I feel like it’s never ending. Just started counseling but it’s not what I expected, think I need more specialist

[Lisa]

Hi Stay or Leave (and for that matter, Bettertimesahead),

I’m sorry to hear about how you are struggling. Working, supporting family (especially as a mother), alongside trying to emotionally and psychologically cope with an abuser must take it’s tole on you in so many ways. Reaching out here and expressing this is no doubt also ringing true for so many other women here as well.
Try as best you can to prioritise on your own well being in all this. Take time to stop and focus on your needs. I often say this, but it’s always good to see what your local domestic abuse service has to offer in terms of any help you feel you could benefit from. Even if it is to speak one-to-one with someone from time to time who is trained to understand what you are going through and is able to signpost you to any other service you feel would help you. They may have links to counselling you feel is more suitable or give practical advice you were not aware of before.
Supportline may also be useful to speak to as they offer confidential emotional support by telephone, email and post. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK.
Take care,

Lisa

[Stay or leave]

Thank you Lisa.
I have had a look at supportline
I might call them if I can get privacy. I have to get away. My long term plan feels long. I need to leave for many reasons. I feel like a failure. Guilt
For staying. Fear of guilt for leaving and breaking us up.
Unreasonal behaviour is my reason for going. Drug addiction is unreasonal behaviour. I question myself why I am hiding his secret. Those who know ask me why I am allowing myself to be around this.
Mentally I feel drained from past events

[Author]

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