15th September 2020 at 7:57 pm #113721
Just when I think I’m on top of things and making progress, I feel like the rug gets pulled from under my feet yet again. Every little setback just knocks me lower and lower and I just don’t have any energy left to fight any more.
I don’t know if anyone else here has been affected by the #Backto60 Judicial Review Appeal result today. I was really hoping for a good outcome on this so I could at least become partially financially independent and able to tide myself over whilst looking into other options to support myself. I’m absolutely gutted and beside myself, back down in the depths of despair again. I understand and appreciate that there are other avenues to look into but in my state of mind at the moment I’m scared that if I leave the marital home to apply for benefits and am refused I will have just about burnt all my bridges.
I’m so low 😞. Where did that happy go lucky, spontaneous, fun loving person go?
16th September 2020 at 8:56 am #113750LisaMain Moderator
I am sorry to hear about how you are feeling, I just wanted to show you some support.
It sounds like you are really disappointed which is understandable, I am sure you are not alone and others are feeling the same.
You have been through so much, I hope you are looking after yourself and giving yourself time to recharge.
Take care and please keep posting,
16th September 2020 at 9:53 am #113756
Thank you Lisa
It’s nice to know there are people who are supporting and caring. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this low before. My head is so muddled at the moment I’m finding it really hard to think straight, everything is running round inside my head and I can’t seem to come up with any answers to my problems.
I think everything has been made much more difficult since the lockdown, nothing is straightforward. Even making an appointment to see the doctor to talk through my feelings you’re made to jump through hoops.
I’m wracking my brains to try and find someone to talk to without having to explain or let on to my husband. It seems I can’t do anything around here without him wanting to know all the details. It would be nice to have a single point of contact available in order to narrow down options and come up with a plan of action. I thought I was getting there but having done a bit more research I feel further away from the solution.
Anyway, sorry for the rant.
16th September 2020 at 11:16 am #1137621hotcoffee1Participant
I am also feeling frustrated at how difficult everything seems to be at the moment, you get so fed up with trying, jumping through hoops, chasing things and then having to take knock back after knock back, sometimes it feels like banging your head against a brick wall would be more productive, but what i have realised is this, we have to keep knocking, we have to keep pushing and most importantly we have to keep going, the solution or the light at the end of tunnel is there, we just have to keep doing everything we can to get to it.
I have found this forum so insightful and helpful, it really feels like we are all in this together, we all have a common goal and we all want a better life for ourselves. As frustrating as it feels and as much as you may feel like you are fighting a losing battle, please please remember, we are stronger than we think and capable of so very much, we just have to keep going 🙂
Also… ranting is therapeutic and i think this is the ideal place to do it 🙂
17th September 2020 at 7:25 am #113806
Thank you 1hotcoffe1 and Hazydayz, I really appreciate your love and support, it brings tears to my eyes 😘. I’m such an emotional Wreck these days, it’s ridiculous ☺️. We get so used to living in a world full of conflict and confusion so when we’re actually shown some real honest to God compassion it brings us to our knees. What I’d really love now is to have a group hug with all the beautiful ladies on this forum who are going through their personal wars but still have the capacity to reach out to others fighting their own battles 💞.
23rd September 2020 at 7:21 pm #114181CamelParticipant
Right now everything is in complete turmoil. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t been affected by Covid and lockdown. The nights are drawing in and for many women this is unsettling. On top of this there’s your financial worries.
Well…we have no say in how Covid will continue to affect us. Nor any say in how the seasons shift. But you do have a degree of control over your finances. Try to stop thinking of yourself adrift with no financial support. It may not be plain sailing for a while but you will have a share of the marital assets. And you will have access to benefits, assuming that you have the need. That’s what they’re designed for – supporting citizens in their time of need. If you are in any doubt, speak to your solicitor about your concerns.
Please don’t be disheartened. x
24th September 2020 at 7:53 am #114213
Thank you for your response.
You are absolutely right, and I so often lose sight of this, the only thing I really have any control over is myself, everything else will take care of itself.
I feel I’m gradually getting closer to leaving so my anxiety levels are almost certainly going to rise, and I’m sure there will be bumpy times ahead, but it will all be worth it in the end.
Hope all is well with you 😘.
24th September 2020 at 8:39 am #114218WiseafterParticipant
Hi Ebrunner, I think setbacks get amplified when your stress and anxiety levels are already high and resourcefulness and resilience are low. It is so difficult to pick yourself up and not feel like a reed in the wind, being blown around by other influences you feel you have no control over. It may not feel like you have options right now and its OK to take some time out to cry/rage/whatever it takes. Acknowledge your feelings, accept them, breathe deep, go for a long walk somewhere beautiful and restoring, look up at the sky and tell yourself you will be OK. Then, think about calling a financial advisor, or visit Rights of Women, a legal advice service for women and get the facts about your finances and legal position, write everything down and make some To Do lists to tick off every day – this will help take the emotion out of the situation and give you back an element of control that you badly need right now. Sending you good vibes.
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