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The day hasn’t even started yet and I wish it was over! I’ve learned some ways to ground myself so that I don’t self harm any more. To be honest the urge has disapated immensely since she did emdr on it. I’m finding it hard to engage so the group was bad but I think that’s knowing my kids, my babies are damaged probably from the womb as well. The lad I’ve been seeing (for less than 2 months) thinks that I’m doing too much and I should cut back on the therapy (seriously!). I’ve had loads on the past few weeks but it’s all behind me now. I pointed out there’s never a right time to do trauma therapy. It’ll have the same affect whenever I do it. I said a new relationship is pretty hard and having to think about someone else’s feelings was the hardest thing and that Wass that. Every time I’ve got a free minute he’s got a plan for me. There hasn’t been a day which I’ve just had to myself. We don’t go out and just stay in his, I’ve told him my feelings are just gone switched off but he asks me to explain to him exactly what has happened and why aren’t I a hundred percent today. He’s meant to be my e scad. A tiny bit of happiness in all this s***e but he’s not. He asks me all the time about stuff that he thinks is important and it probably is but I’m living minute by minute, hour by hour at the moment so being harassed about stuff when I’ve explained that all that s***e is what I’m getting away from with him and it’s not my top priority (feeling normal is) all the f*****g time is wearing me out.. I seriously want my life back. I don’t want to upset him but I’m not well and it’s not helping that when I see him he pesters me for sex. I’m not sure if I’m ignoring sirens in my head but he said yesterday you know I’ll never hurt you that’s an absolute given and I couldn’t say anything because the constant questions, the streams of messages and phone calls if I don’t answer,wuestion after question about what I’m doing, what I’ve done and needing explanations for stuff that I don’t want to talk about. He’s a f*****g menace and if he isn’t I feel like he is so what’s the difference. I can’t say what needs to happen because I feel like a s**t and I’m such a coward it’ll probably take me longer to do it thaw n we’ve been seeing each other. It’s too intense. I’d count it in weeks still and he’d be moved in here if I’d let him. He kept calling round when my youngest was in to try to force me to introduce him but I never let him in. He helped me bring something round and was there when when my youngest came home because he wouldn’t leave for the same reason but I wasn’t bring bullied. There has not been one day since I met him where we haven’t been in contact, I’m not ready for this and even if I was I really don’t think this is the right
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anyway. I can’t be arsed being told I need to go back the drs, that I’m taking on too much treatment, pick-pick-pick, when can I meet the youngest, ill pick you up dead early….a long pause and then ok, it’s ok, I’m fine with that..if I say no,why the f**k wouldn’t you be ok with me making my own choices. I’m sick of hearing it’ll all work out. Yeah it probably will but sometimes stuff that works out isn’t for the better. I can’t plan ahead with my family but he’s forcing me to think of the future when I can’t think of the day ahead is wearing me out. Sorry for going on.
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Hi, and yes do this your way. I’ve found that these men and sometimes just people, always think they know best. I’m from the school of thought that how do you learn anything if you’re not allowed to make mistakes. If this man is trying to be in your life on a daily occurrence, is making suggestions,offering to make himself indispensable, listen to your gut. Your post is screaming to me that he’s suffocating you. My oh was and is still like this, I find I can only be in his company a few hours then I need to leave. You sound as If this man is making you want to do the same, instigating your fight/flight response but not letting you act on it. Sometimes we’re too nice for our own good. I don’t see this relationship getting you to your happy ever after, it’s causing too much chaos to your life already isn’t it?.
Can you try distancing yourself from him,tell him you’re having just you and your children time. Anything that let’s you evaluate the situation, rather than letting him consume it. How dare he tell you what you need or don’t need. “You’re doing too much,should cut back on therapy”.
You can do what needs to be done. If he’s making you feel like this in such a sort space of time, he’s not for you.
Take care of you,your needs and your families. no one else matters at this moment.
Best wishes IWMB đź’žđź’ž -
Thanks IWMB đź’–
I told him I’ll speak in a few days. My child’s not well anyway so I had to cancel our plans. I feel guilty that I’ve led him on but in my heart after a few weeks I met his family which I really didn’t want to do, he’s making plans for me at Christmas time and the amount of times I’ve told him I’m used to looking out for only me and I can’t think about anyone else’s emotions but he doesn’t get it. We’ll see how I feel at the end of the week. I knew that he was trying to make himself indispensable and a part of my family but he f*****g isn’t. If it’s in my mind or not it’s taking up too much brain space x
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It’s like having the flu, you’ve no energy, can’t eat and all you want to do is sleep. Don’t try and do too much, sometimes it took me all my time to brush my teeth, wash myself. I lived on a slice of toast and hot orange, couldn’t stomach tea or coffee. If you can manage 3 things a day that’s a good start, if it’s only one, that’s okay too.
Take care and I’m glad your boy’s not too bad. Mind they pick up on atmospheres so easily. They won’t know why but their body does, the same as ours does.
Best wishes IWMB đź’žđź’ž
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