Strange behaviour ?

[Jedi warrior]

Recently found myself getting emotionally close to a male I have known for a lot of years I know I’m vulnerable after leaving abusive marriage ..this man lives near somewhere I attend to a pet ..I am aware now that he’s spent hours looking at me from an (detail removed by moderator) window waiting for me to turn up ..felt bit uncomfortable ..now found out he has a (detail removed by moderator) and filmed me on his phone ..weird?he thought this was OK..he’s now backed off but it seems like he was obsessed with me but has now lost interest ..thank goodness !!just when I thought my life is settling down ..this has thrown me .

[Lisa]

Hi Jedi Warrior

I just wanted to show you some support. These are definitely red flags here, his behaviour is concerning, so it’s understandable that you feel uncomfortable. You did well to realise this isn’t right.

It may be a good idea to log this with the Police especially if you plan to carry on visiting the area. There is also the National Stalking and Harassment Helpline on 0808 802 0300, you could speak to them about some safety tips.

Take care and please keep posting to let us know how you are,

Lisa

[ISOPeace]

Hi Jedi Warrior, yes this is very strange behaviour. I wonder whether he genuinely thinks it’s ok or whether he’s just trying to convince you that it’s ok. Either way, it’s not ok.

But on the positive side, you’ve asserted a boundary and it sounds like he’s respecting it so well done you! It may be that he isn’t a controlling/abusive person. But it may be that he is and you asserting your boundary in the early stages of getting close told him that you’re not a good target. I would be mindful, however, that it’s possible that he’s only temporarily backed off and I think Lisa has given good advice on contacting the police.

I totally get that this is unsettling and I’m sure I’d feel the same way as you. But from the outside I see that you recognised a red flag, found a way to raise it that didn’t put you at risk, and asserted an important boundary. I think what you did was really brave and I really admire that you stood strong in looking after your wellbeing. Sending love xxxx

[Wants To Help]

Hi Jedi Warrior,

I agree this is concerning. If you have got close to him and he had a way of contacting you, then to watch out for you and film you is obsessive. Obsession is a red flag. Filming someone without their permission is creepy (although not necessarily illegal). What was he filming you for? Presumably to use for his own gratification later? (Your post has been edited so I can’t see what you originally put.)

It’s good that he has backed off of his own accord because you really don’t need an obsessive, needy man in your life who is watching and waiting for you when you are unaware.

Don’t let it throw you, give yourself a pat on the back that your ‘perp alert radar’ is working very well and you’ve managed to avoid another potential abusive relationship 🙂

[Jedi warrior]

Thank you Lisa ,isopeace ,and wants to help for your support, this behaviour went on for several months I had love bombing as he could contact me ,but also strangly he also blew hot and cold ,and wanted a serious relationship sent me flowers said he filmed me (detail removed by moderator) I know creepy !!!then suddenly sent me a message saying he didn’t want a relationship only friendship ..I only just found out that he filmed me he made a joke and said his friend said (detail removed by moderator)..certainly can’t get my head around such confusing crazy behaviour there are definitely some strange men out there !!!

[Author]

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