Viewing 6 reply threads
  • Author
    • #121931

      My Ex moved out not too long ago after a hopefully final attack.The police still haven’t arrested him as he is hiding somewhere.I had to block him as he would non stop send abusive messages.Not once said sorry for what he has done and the pain he has caused.I have to deal with social services now which is fine.I got my head around it now and arranged a virtual meeting (detail removed by moderator).I have got nothing to hide and I’m happy to receive help to move forward.However now my Ex started sending me emails and he is OBVIOUSLY blaming me for the fact that social services are involved.They contacted him (detail removed by moderator) .He doesn’t live with the kids no more and I caused all this.The emails he is sending are so aggressive, nasty and he seems to be convinced I’m seeing someone when the kids are asleep.He is just unreal. (Detail removed by moderator) I have to go back to work as I am a key worker and I’m terrified he might call my work place just to humiliate me or turn up.He knows that would lead to me losing my job.He is so angry and unpredictable.I’m feeling safe at home as he is wanted and they classed us high risk so any call from my place and the police will be here in no time but I don’t want to tell my employer that I am a victim of domestic abuse.I like the fact that I can just be myself and people don’t see the victim.

    • #121947

      Keep all email communications and report to police. I think you should make your line manager at work aware, I’m sure they will be supportive and if he does try contacting them etc they will have prior knowledge. My colleagues all know as I needed several weeks off after he left due to the traumatic circumstances. They have been fantastic and have adjusted my hours so I can do support courses. My ex tried texting my line manager a few times so it was good she was aware of situation

    • #121948

      I’d send the emails to the police and social work and then change your email address. I’d also ask for a note from your GP signing you off with anxiety. Until he is caught it’s dangerous for you. If you know where he might be then please tell the police. Would you consider a refuge for a while for your own safety? He’s blaming you for everything because that’s the coward he is. He won’t accept responsibility. This whole situation is down to his behaviour and no one else’s. But if you will take the blame then he won’t have to. So they dump all their behaviour on us to make themselves feel good x

    • #121972

      Thanks for your support.I will pass the emails on to the police but I really don’t want to get my work involved.I’m scared I might lose my job if I do.Then he won.He’s been trying to make me give my job up ever since I started work (detail removed by Moderator).I have been standing up for myself as I love my job.
      I will see if there is a domestic abuse policy in my contract or so.I’m really hesitant to tell my boss.Everyone will know and look at me differently.
      This is just so unfair.I just had a two hours virtual meeting with a social worker.Never ending stress.

    • #121974

      You don’t have to disclose the details. Talk to your GP for advice. When are the police likely to pick him up? Are they even actively looking for him. I’d be concerned that he knows you’re at work and you will be vulnerable there. You have the right to be kept up to day with the police enquiry so I’d be putting pressure on them x just keep going. I know it’s tough and stressful but these organisations are there for your benefit so use them as much as you can x do you have support from your local WA?

    • #121991

      Sorry to hear this. Work should have an abuse policy, and up to 2 weeks leave hopefully.
      I found telling work humiliating, but they were really supportive and lovely.
      I agree with advice above, keep the emails as evidence. Let police know as once he’s arrested he should be bailed to have no contact with you.
      I’m sure you know what’s best to keep you safe. If that means replying for now to keep him from turning up then do whatever it takes.
      Could you contact NCDV to get non-mol if you haven’t already got one.
      Hope you are safe and have good support x

    • #121995

      The police haven’t been in touch.No arrest has been made as he is still sending emails.I’ve been referred to (detail removed by Moderator) and they will do a risk assessment (detail removed by Moderator).I’ve also started the process of getting a non molestation order in place.I don’t really want to go through the humiliation of telling work.It is really hard as well to get a cover at the moment because of covid and I know that I’m very much needed at work.I’m only off because it is the half term holidays.I’m sure my colleagues would be supportive but I have been pretending to be in a ‘normal’ relationship for a long time.In fact every day I drove home from work, I cried knowing that I have to go back to this monster when all my colleagues seem to have lovely husbands and a good family life to come home to.I don’t want people to talk about me when I’m absent.I rather pretend I am fine.I find it hard enough to know my children’s school knows about everything going on cause I know for a fact they look at us different now.Maybe it is just me but I think it is utterly unfair that the victim has to deal with all this xxxx

Viewing 6 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs


Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account