- This topic has 8 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 12 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
Does anyone else feel really stressed about this??
I guess I just need to vent. When you are in this type of relationship or in the process of leaving the advice is to tell people. Don’t stay silent.
But the minute you do (and I am bearing in mind I have a very strong support system) I feel there is so much pressure to do things, to take action, to make decisions. And don’t get me wrong I am. I am no longer in the relationship anymore but am in the midst of the messy aftermath. But also I am just so exhausted and so depleted of everything I just need a minute to process and maybe even try and attempt a normal day rather than constant have to do stuff and make decisions.
I get that maybe there is an element of me burying my head in the sand but it just feels like no one understands. Even the therapist I was seeing kept telling me to act now.
It’s humiliating enough that as a grown woman, I have found myself in this situation but although I know everyone is trying to help, it adds to the feeling of failure and complete lack of autonomy.
Does anyone relate?
X*x
-
Hi, yes I can relate…. when in the aftermath of leaving (which is hard enough) I listened and acted on people’s expectations… until I couldn’t keep up their pace…
Go at your pace, you will be emotionally exhausted. Other people’s best intentions can Impact you. I was so used to being told what to do that it took me sometime to make the right decisions for my children and myself.
Keep posting
HFH ❤️ -
Oh my gosh yes thank you so much for sharing this. You become so used to doing what everyone else wants for an easy life that everything inevitably gets harder.
You just need recovery time don’t you.
I feel bad because it has literally taken a village to get him out of my house and I feel somewhat indebted to the village. I know things have to get worse before they get better but people were pressuring me to do this a year ago and there is no way I could’ve handled it with my schedule then. X
Thank you for sharing x
-
Yes – when you reach out either people expect you to act quickly or they don’t react at all and you’re left wishing you hadn’t shared. I try to tell myself these ppl are lucky they have no idea what this is like 🙂 but for you, remember this isn’t a normal break up and to be kind to yourself, it’s going to take time and you’re figuring out so much x
-
Thank you. I definitely see why the option not to share is often preferable. It’s certainly easier even though people mean well.
It’s complete and total overload! I am someone who really prefers to just live a quiet life. I love silence, I don’t have many people around, I hate talking on the phone, I need space and everyone is so worried about me and because I don’t really feel safe on my own at the moment I have had people every day for a month. That alone is exhausting let alone all the phone calls that have to be answered re safeguarding etc. I am more of a wreck now that before!
I am hoping for normality again at some point. It feels like things will never be ok again.
Sorry to offload. Has been a particularly tough day x -
It’s part of the process of healing I think – something you were so silent is wanted to be known. Goodness knows how many I have told. I believe it stops after a while as you move onto other things.
I also think that no one hears you and you spend so much time repeating yourself for something so simple.
I also find it strange how some believe you and then some don’t.
-
100000% I am so glad you posted this.
Yes I am still here still fighting I have a counsellor and personal trainer who know my story but thats it nobody else.
I feel under such pressure to tell friends to talk about whats happening all tge time even when i dont want to. Some days i dont wanna think about it let alone talk about it. I wind myself up i know i should leave but I cant and nobody seems to understand that which is why i stay silent.
Thank you for posting this. X -
Just wanted to also echo that yes, the pressure from others is exhausting. I also kept everything under wraps, mainly not to risk him finding out I’m talking and becoming a new trigger for escalation as he is terrified his mask will fall, but also I was always independent and never owed anything to anyone. Now news escaped into my family and they are freaking out. I know it comes from a good place, they want to help and ensure I’m safe, but pressure me into doing what they think is needed urgently when I have my own strategy and pace. I know what I can handle and how he operates, not them! Their involvement upped the stress and if I don’t do things as they want, they think I’m not thinking straight, still soothing him or caring for him. That’s so not it. I’m totally aware but need to think 10 steps ahead and all possible outcomes before taking next move, knowing what I am willing to put up with or sacrifice. I now have family in my house all the time I feel the need to explain myself for, and look after, and it’s exhausting. They are offering to help financially so I can do some things quicker but I’m weary of accepting and then being more pressured into doing what they expect. I keep having to reexplain myself, and when I do they can apparently understand as can’t find a hole in my arguments, but I shouldn’t have to explain myself over and over…
-
100% relate. People who have never been through it are very clear on what to do and can’t understand why its taking so long to move on. Even I struggle with it as the answers are so logical. Get him out, move on. I was always slightly judgy as well with “that would never happen to me, I’d never allow it” sort of vibe. What a fool.
Except getting him out means making him homeless with no money and little prospects – not at all my fault and his own doing. Not an easy thing to do to know that your life will flourish whilst theirs will totally tank.
Its taken me a year to get to the point where I can mentally accept it and a year or more of well meaning friends asking “haven’t you done it yet”. It is so tiring making it through the day, doing brilliantly at work and keeping a home and trying to just keep going.
Anyway, the point is you’re not on your own and all the very best of luck with it all 🙂
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
