Struggling

[Free@lastxx]

I feel horrible today..I hate myself for missing him..I fear that justice wint be done my head is spinning…has anyone else pressed charges and had and results with court he was arrested then bailed pending further inquiries does this sound bad?

[Eggshells]

Hi F@l. I’m afraid I can’t help you with the legal stuff. I never went down that route. But don’t hate yourself for missing him, you can’t help that. It is a very common response called “Trauma Bonding”. If you haven’t heard of it before, it might be worth googling as I could help to explain how you’re feeling. Look after yourself. Is there something you can do to help lift your mood a little?

[Iwantmeback]

Missing him is okay, we’ve all felt like that, it’s knowing which ‘him’ you’re missing. Eggshells is right , look up trauma bonding. When I learned about the chemicals that go on in our bodies that are released when falling in love and when we are fearful are the same. That’s when I was able to be protective of myself.we can’t help or stop these reactions, it’s as natural as breathing. Think of Stockholm syndrome, that’s trauma bonding.
Keep learning, it helps to keep us strong, keep us from going back. Its hard not to, noone will think badly of you if you do, wa say it can take 7 attempts to get away. Its not easy walking away from someone we thought truly loved us, had our backs, would be there into old age. But I love me more now, I know I’m worth more than his form of love. And you are too.
IWMB 💞💞

[Free@lastxx]

Thankyou both I will never return now and I been reading some of the horrible things he used to send me and it’s made me realise why I left..I will look into this truma bounding..have you ever done the online freedom programme? I’m looking into trying it. X

[Iwantmeback]

💞💞 strength to you my friend. Aye it’s when we look back at what they wrote, or listen to recordings if we made them that we think really! Ive not done the freedom programme, trusting in myself and the psychologist I see, who validates what I’m doing, I’m doing well and fir me now.
Keep learning, the more you know what you’re dealing with, the stronger you’ll become.
💞💞

[Free@lastxx]

I could really do with some councelling but not got any access to it

[Eggshells]

Hi again. I haven’t done the online programme but was able to access my local authorities own brand version. I got on the programme through my outreach worker at Refuge. If you don’t have an outreach worker then it might be worth your u looking into it. Some places have Women’s aid other have Refuge. It depends where you are. I had to really chase for it and by the time I got on it, I had already worked most of it for myself. The real advantage for me was meeting other women who had been through or were going through the same experiences as me. So if you can get onto the real thing with your local authority, I’d recommend it.

[KIP.]

Ring the national domestic abuse helpline for advice and to chat and access help x

[KIP.]

I’ve sent you a private message x

[Headcook]

Hi

I have done the freedom programme
It’s like sitting in a room with 15 women and you are all talking about the same man

I remember I was with my x abusive partner still when I started the company I worked for then allowed me the time off to attend for 12 weeks
I went on week one very nervous and I stated to them I didn’t really think I was in the right place or in need of my place by week 5 the ladies that ran the programme said every lady that attends says they think they don’t need to be there
By week 10 I had left him
I would recommend going if you get the chance

Much love and strength

Hc

[Slipup19]

I am (detail removed by moderator) free and still struggle daily. Although I have moved on and have a new life, he still is in the background and trying to contact me. Somedays I let him in and then the cycle starts again and then I realize and back off. We have to keep reminding ourselves of why we left, why we had to stop the cycle. The key is no contact , if you can maintain that then things will ease xx

 

[Free@lastxx]

Iv had no contact since he left..hes not allowed ins in his bail conditions. KIP I dont see the private message I’m not sure who to look for it I’m new here lol x

[Eggshells]

F@l. Finding your pm may change depending which device you’re on. Can you see something at the top of you screen that says “Hi Free@last”. If you can, try clicking on it and hopefully it will give you some options. If it does, messages should be one of them. xx

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