Struggling and cracking up

[Stuckinturmoil]

I am really struggling. Last night I think I hit rock bottom.
I am trying to do a degree my lessons are live on (detail removed by Moderator) and require concentration. My husband does nothing to help around the house. I still do all the house work. He makes lots of noise when he knows I am listening to a live lesson. I get 5 min breaks every hour where I try and put the washing machine on or something and I see he him just sat on the sofa.
(detail removed by Moderator) it all got too much for me. After my lesson and treating the family to a meal I wanted to just relax in the living room. He put on some awful film which he knew full well I would hate and told me to get out. He called me lazy. This made me so angry after watching him do nothing all weekend when I am struggling to work full time, do a degree and keep on top of the housework. I tried to defend myself but he continued to shout over me. I pressed pause on the remote so he would listen but he grabbed the remote out of my hand roughly. Again I wasn’t able to put my side across. Because he knew it was a lie and he was the lazy one. I was so upset I went into the kitchen and smashed a plate on the floor. Now I am thinking I am the abusive one. I haven’t done anything like that before. He pushed me over the edge. I do everything and he is so unsupportive and ungrateful but to then call be lazy after all I have done and paid for him to have a nice meal. And then not give me the chance to defend myself. I had nowhere of letting out the frustration. I then went for a long walk in tears.

[Hazel]

Absolutely not, you are not abuser, he is. My husbhusband is the same, he doesn’t help with kids, I have to do all the cooking, washing and everything in home. I remember one day he physically push me to cook a dinner for him when I refused, they are horrible abusers I feel how you are feeling. This forum really helps me to understand my situation, I have just realised this is abuse and I have already started planning and escaping from my abuser. Good luck xx

[Stuckinturmoil]

Thanks Hazel. I start to wonder is it all in my head. Today has been a better day so I start easing off the accelerator thinking maybe I can stay with him. Maybe it’s not that bad. The only reason today has been a better day is because we haven’t spent any time together.

I enjoy the days I do not spend time with him.

[Sunshines]

No it isn’t you it’s the mental frustration. The exhaustion of having to do everything’s part of the abuse I find. They expect very much of you and give you a crumb back. I’ve done the same things as you have done.
They enjoy watching you snap. They provoke you that much that you do. Sometimes you question your sanity.

Don’t be hard on yourself in the end you lose enjoyment from daily chores I did.
They want 100 percent of you for a ten percent exchange.
They know exactly what they are doing. Stay strong angel and plan an escape xx

[Hazel]

I am having a good day too when I do not see my husband that often. His way of living makes me miserable. He doesn’t have any friends and I do not like inviting my friends because of him. There reasons for his is if someone has a diffrent opinion than him he becomes aggressive so I’m simple ashamed of his behaviour. I could write more and more about his weird personality. I am planning to escape and I would not tolerate any more aggressive behaviour towards me and my daughters. I said myself one more time and I am out. He said to me he will kill, I was scared so this is why I am still with him, but I have recently realised this is they way of dealing so we feel like we are trapped.

[Stuckinturmoil]

You are correct sunshines he does feed me the odd crumb. Once a week he might smile at me or seem in a jovial mood which makes my heart sing for a small while.
But then moments later the angry outbursts that make my heart race. Leaving is so hard. I wish he would have an affair so it would be more clear cut but this constant battle in my head is driving me mad.
He won’t discuss moving out. I had legal advice where I was told not to leave my house so it’s stalemate.

[Bananaboat]

They like to push you until you react and then twist it onto you being the violent/abusive/unhinged one. The fact you’re even asking yourself if you are the abuser is a big sign that you’re not – all the books say they don’t ask this question or have capacity to do so. As others have said this life is exhausting and you can’t do it all. I broke down at work earlier, midmeeting because it was just one thing too many. Treat yourself to an early night if you can, even if it’s reading a book in bed it all helps.x

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