Struggling Badly

[Missbutterfly]

I must have done something wrong? If not, how can 2 adult children (male) turn against me and abuse me like their dad did.

I have received abusive, horrible messages from them both over the past week culminating in them using my grandchildren against me.

They want me to apologise for the ‘sh** I have caused’ ??? How is this possible. I have tried asking what I have done and nothing, just insult after insult. Maybe its not my ex, maybe I was the problem all along :'( Feeling heartbroken.

I feel so sad and so empty inside. Is the abuse continuing through them or am I just a bad person as to be honest I am not sure how much more I can take. I dont feel like I deserve any happiness in my life and am pushing the people who are supporting me away.

I dont know where to turn or what to do anymore and cant carry on feeling like this.

[Confused123]

HI Hun

Sorry to hear your children are treating u like this, have u called the advise line to see if they can guide u, sadly liviing with an abuser our children pick up on their behaviour, and reflect it onto us, my were teenagers when i left and theu repeated the beahviour, it took a lot of reaching out for helpand support to correct their behaviour, please doo not stay quiet and seek support. I would say i do not tolerate rude behaviour like this and if they cant talk respectfully to stay away. Iknow it hurts but they have to be told what your boundaries are

[Confused123]

And its not u, forgot to say that to u , do not blame yourself

[Ayanna]

You know what happened to you.
You know your truth!
Stick to what you know!
Do NOT let your sons gaslight you and make you doubt yourself!!!
Be hard on them! Tell them off. Tell them to stop disrespecting you and to stop abusing you! Use this word! Stand up to them!
You have been through enough. You do not need elder abuse by your own children. If they do not stop ring the police. What are children when they disrespect you. Women are are often better off with strangers than with the own family.

[Jupiter]

Hi Missbutterfly

I really feel for you and know the terrible pain as I have similar situation. It is especially hard when this bad treatment comes from those you love the most. I think the advice above is right about setting a firm boundary for protection. I struggle because I dont want more abuse in the next generation etc and also dont want to push my sons away either.Convinced that blaming me is learned from ex who also blamed me. we have been through enough already !
I know it is mentally exhausting as well. To help myself today I ordered a book about surviving n*********s for guidance. Maybe you could do the same. I went to bed feeling better as I felt this was a positive move.Feeling empowered really gives you hope and strength .
Hope you get some comfort soon.
Jupiter x x

[Missbutterfly]

Thank you so much everyone. These past few days have been the worst I have had in ages.

I keep looking at my little baby girl wondering if she will grow up to hate me (different father who is fanastically supportive).

I wanted to tell you all that I feel for you, I really do. As if we havent been through enough already from our ex’s we have to also deal with our children who carry on the abuse 🙁

I think tomorrow I may take time to write down the things that have happened that have been abusive as sometimes I feel myself doubting it, questioning it.

As hard as it will be, I hope it will help.

Thanks again everyone, I am sad we are all in the same boat but it does make me feel less alone x

[Mish]

Hi
I am new to the forum but am already feeling better knowing how many other people are suffering too. Its so sad. I have a (detail removed by Moderator) who has deserted me and is as abusive as his father. Blames me for everything. Don’t ever feel its your fault, its them that have the issues. But it is hard to stand up and respect yourself when its your son or daughter. My son has chosen my husband and I cant understand it except my husband is devious and buys him, runs around after him. Hope you are feeling better than you were

[Missbutterfly]

Hi Mish,

I am sorry you are going through the same. It is so sad isn’t it.

I wonder why we already have been through so much, we continue to do so. It doesn’t feel at all fair :'(

One of the two have just been awful on the phone to their nan (my mum) and said some awful things….. Feel so ashamed to have raised children that turn in to adults like this :'(

[Author]

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