struggling not to reach out…

[Wispatea]

Today I am finding it really had not to reach out. I even unblocked him last night hoping (I suppose) he would message. I cannot say much more due to legal proceedings but my determination is starting to wain and I feel myself wanting him even though I know the cycle will start again. I even suggested to legal channels I stop it all!!! I know I am the only one who can stop it but I currently don’t seem to be able to stop the if you apologise now thoughts things will go back to normal and you will know where you stand. Whereas now I don’t know what will happen. I just know he won’t make it easy!!!

[Peonylove]

I feel this Wispatea, not to the same extent of your situation, but the reaching out part. It’s so difficult. The only advice I can offer is to resist, resist, resist and distract yourself. Put your phone away, read a book, go for a walk, anything to break the cycle in your mind. Just do your best, that’s all you can do xx

[Hazydayz]

Understanding from personal experience Peonylove that’s all we can share isn’t it💞

[Wispatea]

I did it I text him. 🙁 we have had a conversation. Now I am beating myself up and regretting it but finding it hard to block him again…

[Wispatea]

he was very cold and mean.

[Bananaboat]

You can’t change the fact you reached out. So the plus side of doing it has been to know he’s not the man you miss but is mean & cold. Back to being strong and moving on xx

[Hazydayz]

Wise words Bananaboat 💞

[Peonylove]

Don’t be hard on yourself, it’s very difficult to break the cycle and go no contact. Block him again if he’s being mean to you, you don’t deserve that. But if you can’t, again don’t be hard on yourself. Try to ignore him if you can and walk away. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s horrible. But you deserve better, please believe that. I know it’s hard. We’re all here to support you.

[Hazydayz]

Wise words Peonylove 💞

[Wispatea]

I just went upstairs determined to block him again but I can’t. I am hopeful I will be stronger later. He ignored my last text but I know his pattern he will answer in a while…and I know eventually he will be nice… its the way it always is. Thank you for listening x*x xxxx

[Hazydayz]

Love hurts some say…
But it shouldn’t!
Wishing you strength.
💞

[Peonylove]

Take your time and do what’s best for you. But know that you deserve better and you’re worth more.xx

[Wispatea]

Thank you. Everyone. I know I need to block him but how do you get over that need/want/craving for them to contact you even though deep down you don’t want it?

[Bananaboat]

I love Dr Ramani’s explanation, it resonated with me so it might help. She said it’s like those grabber machines, or slot machines, even the lottery. You know when you play there’s a slim chance of winning, but you keep playing in the hope you get the toy/jackpot and they hook you in by showing ppl who have won, or giving a toy once in a while.

Our relationships are the same, the hook is those good times, the promises of holiday/future together – the jackpot. We keep playing even though he’s nasty, ignores us, abused us because…well he promised us the jackpot or we won once upon a time so surely we can again.

Maybe give some of her videos on YouTube a watch when you’ve got that urge. We know it’s incredibly hard xx

[Wispatea]

Thank you. That’s a great explanation. I am watching lots at the moment specifically around the trauma bond. What is crazy is I know all of it but relating it to me is really hard. xx

[Bananaboat]

I get it, so much easier to help others than yourself – another sign you’re a lovely person who doesn’t deserve this. Don’t forget your body is addicted to the relationship too, the highs and lows, the anxiety all release chemicals and you’ll be craving them without even realising it. x

[Wispatea]

In the past he has always reached out to me and I have been the one to ignore and be mad. This time why is it so different? sorry just writing what pops into my head. I suppose it helps????

[Anonymous]

Hi there his doing this to punish you for what he perceives as wrongs you have done to him , so now his reversed it , so you go chasing him , he has the control he thinks , that’s y as hard as it is now you have to stay strong and not reach out any further to him , try and distract yourself as much as you can , if he does contact you at some point , which he will once he realises your not chasing, then you ignore him and eventually block , you take the control away from him . It’s all a game , remember that , they are masters of manipulation x

[Wispatea]

Hi, this makes so much sense. It’s hard as I haven’t been the one to break it before so kicking myself. He was so cold and so harsh, The complete opposite to what I have been like when I have got the I am sorry, I am doing therapy, thank you for dropping the charges against me. I know its all a game xx

[Anonymous]

Yeah it’s so you basically compromise your beliefs, your expectations of what’s right , so you grovel to him , then it’s game over ! So now you reverse it , you don’t reach out , don’t block if you are not ready , but don’t be suprised if he doesn’t do that next as another game to set panic in you , stay strong and ignore , don’t be hard on yourself, we all done it , think of it like playing chess , now it’s stalemate lol . His waiting for you to chase him now as he thinks well I done my bit and she ignored me , so now I’m going to punish her for ignoring me and making me grovel. You do nothing, it don’t bother you anymore, let him think x

[Anonymous]

This cycle will continue if you allow it , that’s y you gtta be really strong & break it , this is how the relationship will continue, and tbh who wants to play games in any relationship, but it’s all about point scoring with them , t*t for tat , merry go round !

[Wispatea]

Thank you wonderful people. I know what you are saying and yes its exactly what I would say to others but my b****y heart aches… x*x thank you all x*x

[Wispatea]

Blocked – feel guilty he will use it against me as I do it quite often…

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