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    • #85931
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I found a few hidden empty vodka bottles (detail removed by moderator). Every time I think I’ve found the last one, another batch is uncovered.

      I’ve been doing really well, but this has made me feel like I’ve taken a giant leap backwards. I didn’t know I’d lose all my confidence in every part of my world and doubt myself over everything. It’s especially hard at work where I am in a senior position, but my boss is pushing me to take another promotion. I just feel like I don’t want to be in charge of anything and would quite like to crawl into a hole somewhere. These stupid empties have set me back so much. My whole means of survival has been to get my head down, grit my teeth and get busy, Stiff upper lip and all that. I sometimes think my tear ducts have actually broken or I’m dead inside, but truth be told, I really feel like I can’t let go or I’d cry for a hundred years and have a total breakdown and I can’t do that. I have a mortgage to pay and he left me in debt, so my job is very important to me. It’s all I have.

      I have never wanted to win euromillions more than I do now, so I could give up working and stop worrying that I’m going to get something horribly wrong because my judgement over him was so very bad, how can I trust my judgement about anything?

    • #85954
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey, it’s natural to feel this way but you’re still very much standing. Just take baby steps meantime. It’s a long rollercoaster ride to recovery. Keep things simple for a while but your confidence will return. It’s like an iceberg that someone has chipped away at, but you can build it back up again. Slowly, with compassion for yourself. I found two bottles, 4 years after he left. Shows you how often I clean on top of the kitchen cabinets lol. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Enjoy the peace n quiet, you’ve earned it x

    • #85959
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      Hi Landy

      I understand your pragmatic approach of prioritising your work above all else, there is much value to be found in work and its benefits are multiple.
      You might not be in control of what in particular will trigger your tears but it doesn’t mean it’ll become an all consuming break-down if you decide to let them out.
      You can only cry a certain amount per day, I guarantee you, I cry often, this past couple of weeks daily and I still continue with my daily routine.
      You can do both. Work or go about your day and let go of your tears. Once the sadness, heart-break, utter devastation and anger is let out, there is relief to be found even if it may start all over again the next day. But it’ll lessen in intensity over the weeks.

      You can’t be so hard on yourself, you haven’t misjudged him at all, he has completely fooled you. He mis-represented him-self, your judgement was based on what he told, showed you and sold you, you couldn’t have guessed in a million years he is a con man, an abuser.
      Your judgement is still valid and very intact, you’ll win back your confidence I promise you.

      Funny you should talk about winning a million (or ten or twenty), I was asking myself tonight what I would do if I came into winning such vast amount of money. I’m always quick to spend it on others but left with not many ideas for myself. Tonight I actually was able to come up with ideas and projects for myself too. There is progress. Thinking of me now.

      Do you know what you would do with millions?

      You’ll be ok again, you are strong, get some good rest okay, tomorrow will be better.

      Good night, lots of love 💕

    • #85965
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Back at work today. Not better. My cat was killed on Friday so I’m even more fragile.

      I’d buy a massive animal sanctuary with my winnings.

    • #85979
      KIP.
      Participant

      So sorry about your cat. I know how it feels to lose a pet. Scale back on whatever you can and concentrate on you for a while x

    • #85982
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Thank you. I’m exhausted, but I feel like I can’t stop. I suppose I use that as a means of avoiding thinking. I’m not good at letting things go. I tend to bury them and hope they’ll go away. Somewhere insude, I guess I see crying as a weakness. Not in others, but in me. I just expect me to pick myself up and move on without it.

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