This topic contains 6 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  BB123 1 day, 22 hours ago.

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  • #108239
     BB123 
    Participant

    Hey, so I’m feel like I’m really struggling at the minute. I’m crying a lot and feeling like I’ll never be able to get out of this situation.

    I phoned the council to try and get on the list for housing but once they started asking personal questions I panicked and hung up.

    I haven’t been in my job long enough to private rent and have been isolated from friends and family I wouldn’t have a guarantor.

    I’m back on getting the silent treatment and can’t deal with this anymore.

  • #108244
     Braelynn 
    Participant

    Hi there! Welcome and so sorry you are feeling like this……maybe try again with the council, they have to ask certain questions so they can help. Have you tried our live chat? https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

    This is a good website as well….https://www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help#welfare-benefits-and-housing-advice

    Are you being physically assaulted or being threatened? Do you have children? Are you married?

    Tell us a little more about your situation without giving yourself away personally….we are here for you…Big Hugs!

  • #108246
     Soulsearcher18 
    Participant

    Hi there,
    I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling like this.
    Help is out there, I promise.
    I feel for you, contacting the council can usually be a challenge at the best of times- especially with housing.
    If this was your first step to getting help- it may be useful to contact some support services first to get some reassurance. You may then be able to access some support in making necessary calls/applications etc.

    Have you spoken with a GP? I think this would be a good first step as they can help you with how you are feeling right now and offer support with this. If your surgery is still only offering tel calls- you can tell reception it is personal and urgent and you need a face-to-face if this is what you would prefer. Some surgeries have emails that they access each day, you could ask for this if they have one and write it down in an email and request an appointment. (be sure to cover your tracks on-line). Sometimes it is easier to write things down and show it to people if you find it hard to say.

    Have you spoken to anyone from Women’s Aid? If not, this would also be a really great step. You can also send an email to Women’s Aid via this website, or you can access the webchat facility during the day, there is also a telephone number. Weblink to this is below:

    I need help – information and support on domestic abuse

    There are also local Domestic abuse services that you can contact, the link to the directory to find these via Women’s Aid is below:

    Domestic Abuse Directory

    Keep posting to us on here to let us know your thoughts and how you are getting on. We’re with you every step too.

    Take care

    Soulsearcher

  • #108247
     Soulsearcher18 
    Participant

    Ha, Braelynn got there first 🙂
    See BB123- help is out there! We’re on a mission for you x

  • #108402
     BB123 
    Participant

    Hi, thank you all so much for the responses.

    I’ve spoken to woman’s aid today and solicitor to see what my options are. We currently have joint mortgage and married.

    There is no physical abuse, all emotional and I can’t take anymore!
    I am a mess not knowing the mood he’ll come home in or if I say or do the wrong thing.

    Some days I struggle to think clearly,think all this stress is starting to get to me.

  • #108404
     Braelynn 
    Participant

    OH it does get to you! Emotional and mental abuse is just as bad as physical if not worse. So did you get advice on what your options are? If so, then you make a plan and execute it. You can’t keep going on like this. You just can’t. Every day is another day down the rabbit hole so put all your energies into – getting out! I’d speak to him as little as possible and don’t dwell on how his day went or whatever. Just put something in place in your brain that says – and why do I care??? Turn him Off! Put your earplugs in your ear and turn up the music on your cell. Whatever you have to do. Smile and nod. I wouldn’t even engage with him unless you absolutely have to. The time is Now so get it all straight in your head about your legal rights and your options, then make a path and plan and stay on it. This needs to end now and you know that. You are coming apart inside and that’s not okay. Do whatever you have to do in order to tune him out.

  • #108406
     BB123 
    Participant

    Thank you so much for your kind words. Everything you said is absolutely true of what I need to do.

    I was given options on housing I could get from the council and possibility of going to refuge. I’m going to try and private rent they can only say no lol!

    Once I have somewhere sorted I plan on sitting down with him to try to make him see it’s over and not to delay drawing a line under us, with sale or house etc.

    I’ve made list of everything I need to take with me including documents etc so kind of feel I’m getting ready to leave. Because once I leave I have no intentions of coming back to the house.

    The solicitor was lovely and talked me through the options if he plays nice or if he’s awkward so at least I know what’s ahead of me. I plan on getting house valued over next week or so and going to contact bank to see how much we still owe on our mortgage.

    I’ve been having the worse headaches and can only imagine it’s due to all this stress. I tried phoning Doctor last few days but can’t get through.

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