Struggling to cope

[PixieStardust]

Hi,

First-time posting here, still in shock. I left (detail removed by Moderator) ago, sleeping on friends sofas and trying to muddle through all of the helplines and everything. Nothing feels real and even though everyone keeps telling me how bad it is, I still feel so guilty asking for help. The council said I’m homeless, Refuge said they’re worried for my safety and I still feel like I’m making it all up somehow. Feeling like a burden on everyone. Not coping, no idea what to dk

[Lisa]

Hi PixieStardust,

Thank you for posting and welcome to the forum. How you are feeling is a natural response to an extremely stressful situation. You have obviously taken some huge steps to leave and might still be in ‘fight or flight mode’. If you are practically able to, give yourself time to rest; focus on the basics like eating well and getting some sleep. Be kind to yourself and remember what you have already managed to cope with.

You absolutely deserve help and support, as any survivor of domestic abuse does. The council and Refuge will only have said that if it were accurate. Accepting help at times of need shows strength and is not something to feel guilty about. The perpetrator is the only one responsible here.

Going to a women’s refuge could be a useful option for you; somewhere you can be safe, access emotional and practical support and build yourself back up. If you’d like to discuss how to find suitable refuge space or anything else you can chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open 10am-6pm every day), they won’t tell you what to do but chatting could help you to come to your own decisions, at your pace.

We sometimes find that this section of the Forum isn’t seen as much, so please do post again in another section if you wish.

Kind Regards,

Lisa

[Hereforhelp]

Hi Pixiestardust, welcome… it is very overwhelming once you leave, you already would’ve been through so much and now you are having to dig deeper to push through. Take small steps forward, accept all help. Refuge are concerned for a reason lovely and they will help support you.

I don’t know your story, post as little or as much as you want. We are here for you when you are ready ❤️

[PixieStardust]

Thank you for such kind messages. I’m coping a little better today after speaking to the Refuge helpline again. I’ve realised that I’ve been in emotional abuse for years without realising any of it, and its so scary when you put all the pieces together. There were things that happened that were so confusing and I had no idea what was going on, he had me convinced I was totally insane.. I moved into his home miles away from my friends and he suddenly got really aggressive frightening. Felt like it was out of nowhere because he seemed so lovely in the months before.. basically it all went from 0 to 100 in a few days and I guess my survival instict finally kicked in and I got out. So it’s been a weird time. Trying to come to terms with the fact all his behaviour led up to this, and all that confusion was because I was being controlled. Even with all the indisputable evidence infront of me, it’s hard to believe this is happening. I’m afraid of him, but even writing that down looks so dramatic and makes me cringe and feel guilty. I feel like a fraud, but logically I know that I’m not. It’s a really weird headspace..

[Apricot]

Hi Pixiestardust,

Well done for everything you’ve done so far to get support and start your journey to recovery. I am glad you are talking to refuge and that they are providing support. I’m new here too and only recently left my abusive partner.

I can relate to your feelings that it is surreal and not happening. And I also find myself constantly questioning whether it was abuse, feeling guilty and like a fraud. I have good days and bad days. Moments when I can start to see things more clearly and start to feel hopeful, followed by another period of self doubt. I can see a massive improvement though overall, and slowly I am finding my way.

I found that being outside of the relationship and breaking contact was the only way to find some peace. It has given me the time and space to begin seeking support and understanding what was happening. It takes time but I am certain you are on the right path. You’ve been so brave. Keep posting. Sending love xx

[Wispatea]

Hi Apricot,

Thank you for sharing, I can truly relate to what you have said and it often sends me in a spiral. coming here and seeing this has helped. Although I hate that others are also going through this it helps me from going crazy and stops me going back. I am a way down my journey but his recent attempt at control/sabotage/abuse has brought the feelings to the forefront.
I really hope you find the peace you are looking for x*x

[StrongLife]

Welcome to the forum. Glad you found the forum and can get support here from people who have been through similar things. I too called helplines. I would look at refuges for safety and cctv. I found one that gave long term accommodation until you can recover and get safe. It’s very hard and traumatic experience.

[Wispatea]

I just want to say well done keep strong you are doing amazing. I am some distance out of a controlling abusive relationship and unfortunately I still get the doubt. although with each day it does get easier. reach out and talk to everyone you can they are so understanding and helpful and have definitely been a mess for me not to go back because I am not gonna lie its hard but it is so worth it x*x

[Author]

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