Struggling to get my head around this.

[Cattella]

I’m sat here now with my heart racing and anxiety rising in my chest even though it’s years after any of these events.
When I was (detail removed by moderator) I was raped by a (then) trusted friend. I’ve never told my family or told police but increasingly I know its getting to me. I’d never get a conviction now because of a lack of evidence, and Id feel ashamed if my mother ever found out. Why? I just hate that he’s walking free after doing that to someone.
Then a couple of years ago I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. One night he came home drunk, after an argument, he persuaded me to sleep with him, which I did consent to, (detail removed by moderator).

I told the police about the abuse, but again have just felt too ashamed to tell anyone about this later event… But I’m struggling now with anxiety and flash backs from these events.

Any advice would be appreciated!

[Iwantmeback]

Hello, I’ve read your post a few times, i dont know how to respond to help you do anything positive, but wanted to let you know that we do read, sometimes it takes a while before we respond. Once the thoughts surface, it’s hard to put them back in their box.
💕💕IWMB

[Lisa]

Hi Catella,

Welcome to the forum and thanks for posting, we understand it can be hard to post for the first time. Recovery from abuse is not a linear process, it has ups and downs and it can be lifelong. During the time of the abuse it’s quite common to be in survival mode and to have to focus on the practical elements of getting safe. So it’s not unusual that emotions can rise some time after the abuse.

If you have not already done and you feel able to, you could consider trying to find a counsellor who has a strong understanding of domestic abuse and sexual violence, and who works in a trauma-informed way. You can contact your local domestic abuse service to ask if they can suggest any counsellors in your area. Alternatively the Rape Crisis website has a tool to find your local centre, where you may be able to access counselling.

Also, the MIND Website includes some useful tips of how to cope with anxiety and flashbacks. If you feel able to I’d also suggest talking to a GP about how you’re feeling, you can ask for a female one if that might help.

Keep Posting,

Lisa

[Author]

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