Struggling to tell anyone

[cocacolaa]

Hello, I am really struggling with making the move I need to to get out of this situation, my partner hits me, has banged my head of things before, threw things at me basically just physically and verbally abused me to the point I know I have to get out now but I am really struggling, I just can’t seem to be able to tell anyone I’ll decide that I’m going to and then when I go to confide in someone I just can’t get the words out, I had made a doctors appointment about a large bruise I had to see if he would take the hint and notice how I had got it but he didn’t, I don’t have any friends I could tell just family and I’m so embarrassed that I don’t think I could tell them, I applied for a house on my own in secret and said my partner and I had fallen out but they wouldn’t give me one, I am so at a loss at what to do I have asked him to leave plenty of times he just doesn’t, I’m so scared to tell anyone incase the get the police involved or social services, I don’t want them involved I just want out of the relationship and just leave it at that, if I call the woman’s aid refuge will they contact the police because I really don’t want the police involved, someone please help me.

[KIP.]

Hello and well done for posting on here. It’s a huge step. Please contact women’s aid. They will not contact the police or tell you what to do. They have many contacts they can pass you onto. They can find a refuge for you until you can find somewhere safe. They see your problems hundreds of times and know exactly what you’re going through. Keep trying the helpline on here or find your local women’s aid. Also, you can try writing it down and hand it to your GP when you go. I couldn’t get the words to come out either. Write it down and let them read it whilst you sit there. It’s ok. They’re used to this sort of thing X

[older lady]

I don’t know on what grounds they would call the police or social services. There are certain criteria for this for some professional/safeguarding roles but they will discuss it with you first. It might be helpful to discuss this fear, though. Why not ring the helpline as KIP advises and explain your situation? You won’t have to give your name. Just find out the facts and see what can be done. I don’t know what your local domestic abuse service is? I am sure a Women’s Aid adviser could help support you to leave. I can appreciate your fear of the situation escalating. You’re not alone in this. X*x

[Ayanna]

Hi, I know how difficult it is to speak about this. I was like this too.
The best way to get out is to call Women’s Aid and ask them to help you get into a refuge as the other ladies said already.

I do not know your housing situation. If you live in a council flat Women’s Aid can help you speak to the people to rehouse you. Although, due to the housing crisis that might never happen.

If you try to rent privately you can look for a place but do not tell them the truth. They will not give you a place if you mention domestic violence. I have been through all of this.
Just say you separated if they want to know. You can then leave without telling him where you go and if the electoral register pesters you, you can apply for a secret registration.

Think about police involvement. He might deserve to be locked up. If you let him get arrested you can hold him responsible for all the suffering that he caused you. I had good experiences with the police.
The courts were not so good, but in the end he got a conviction and that will stick with him for life.
That’s what he deserved.
It was only a tiny conviction anyway, because the judges are (detail removed by Moderator).
At least he got something and what he did, did not go unnoticed.

You would call the police if a stranger on the street beat you up for sure. So why let this abuser get away with it?

Keep posting here.
We are all here for you.

[Author]

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