Struggling Today

[mynameisanon2023]

Hi,

I’m new to the forum. I left my husband around (detail removed by moderator) due to abuse. I have since reported him to the police and also taken out a non molestion order, (detail removed by moderator) He is denying all the allegations, which I shouldn’t be surprised about but I’ve found it so upsetting. He knows I’m not lying so how can he sit there and tell people he hasn’t done these things? I feel so stupid and embarrassed that I stayed for so long. I believed his lies. Now seeing it for what it was, all of it, is so difficult to accept I never really knew this person I was married to. What was real and what wasn’t? Him denying things makes me doubt the reality of it all? I can’t understand how it’s happened to me. I knew it was happening because I used to say to him that I knew he was manipulating me. So how has it still happened? I can’t get my head around it. (detail removed by moderator) It doesn’t shock or upset me? I want to support the prosecution but I’m finding it so overwhelming at the moment. I’m so scared of giving them the wrong information and messing things up.
Sorry to rant, I’ve just been feeling so down since (detail removed by moderator) and struggling to sleep.
any advice welcome 🙂

[Happybelle]

It’s hard going isn’t it. Trying to work out what was true and what was the lies. It really blows your mind for a bit. I also felt ashamed it had happened to me but I’m a few months down the line now and that has gone away a lot.  When you’re really in it you truly believe that sharing how you feel with them and that you know what they’re doing that they will change and be a better person. Then they don’t change and so the cycle goes. Once you’re out of it it’s so easy to look back and judge yourself harshly. We shouldn’t at all.

im glad you’re out of it and I hope the next steps go smoothly. Give yourself some time to breathe and come to terms with it all… you’ve already done brilliantly getting that far x

[mynameisanon2023]

Thanks for your reply 🙂

I totally agree with everything you’ve said, you’ve put it so well, much better than I ever could! I’m so glad I’m out of it too, I am stressed at the minute but when I think about it, it’s nothing compared to how stressed I was when I was with him? I do worry lately how many lies he will be telling people about me. I don’t want to be made out to be a liar because even he knows I’m not. I don’t know why it is so important to me. I suppose in a way until people know the truth they will enable him to do it again to someone else. X

[Happybelle]

I think it is the sense of absolute injustice that gives you the feeling. First of all it’s the feeling of how could he actually do this to me. Then it’s the feeling of how dare he lie about it to other people.

i have decided for myself that I don’t care if he lies about it, I know what happened and I’m fine with it. I know what’s truthful.  I am lucky that we do not have many shared connections and the ones we did have I have also made a conscious decision not to care what they think. Nobody will ever know how bad things were so it matters not what they think of the situation.

give it a couple of weeks and you will be amazed at how much better you feel and your stress levels should start to come down 😊

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