- This topic has 9 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 10 months ago by Confused123.
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22nd May 2017 at 9:37 pm #42987Confused123Participant
So coped so well upto now I felt, but with these divorce proceedings I feel my blood pressure go so high , the anger I feel towards b in law is indescribable, could just rip him apart how he did with me . Try to be so positive but today he really has trigger me off , how do u control the feelings of injustice that was done to u
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22nd May 2017 at 10:21 pm #42990White RoseParticipant
Deep breaths cup of tea and a good cry!
Then think about it logically – you don’t need to listen to your b in law so ignore him. You can go no contact with him too – its not a privilege reserved for abusive exs alone! đ
Sounds like you’ve got your fighting hat on and are cross (fuming more likely!) so use the energy to build your barriers even higher and keep moving forwards you are doing incredibly well x*x -
22nd May 2017 at 10:32 pm #42992SerenityParticipant
You’ll go through a whole range of emotions, Confused.
Allow yourself to feel whatever feelings you have in the moment. Your anger is justifiable.
I have sometimes used that energy to plan something constructive to support my case.
I think anger in our situation is a healthy emotion. Our abusers didn’t allow us to feel angry: now we can. It’s our right.
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23rd May 2017 at 1:52 pm #43018iwillbeokParticipant
Hi confused – i hope you are having a better day today.
I seem to swing from one extreme to the other; feeling numb, surviving by putting one foot in front of the other to feeling multiple emotions all at one, its like a swirling mess of sadness, anger, guilt, worry, all washing over me one after the other. Its exhausting.
I am trying to (and hopefully getting better at) being kind to myself. Cups of tea, a walk, a run, buying flowers for myself, a looong shower…
I try not to push the emotions away but recognise them, anÄ in the case of anger especially, use them to keep me going.
I have every right to be angry about what he did to me. Anger stops me falling into the “maybe it was me” trap. Use anger to your benefit, to give you strength.Xx
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23rd May 2017 at 9:44 pm #43045AyannaParticipant
I can so relate to your post.
I had no coping strategies apart from going to scream into the park.
Sometimes I was so unspeakably angry …
I found 5HTP much later. It helps me sleep and be calmer. -
23rd May 2017 at 10:53 pm #43050Confused123Participant
hi
JUst cant explain how much the b in law influences me in a bad way, i have so much anger can actually feel myself shake, trying to stay calm and remove negative feelings as feel like i will just burst he infuriates me that much by trying to take everything of me, i feel as if i was married to them both, he really did make a mug out of me , am trying to remain calm as this is what he wants, and as u said trying to just focus without him draining me
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24th May 2017 at 12:07 pm #43068lover of no contactParticipant
A homeopath said to me that feeling anger is a much healthier reaction than feeling disempowered and hurt etc. On the scale of feeling empowered at the top end (a 10) is feeling good, self=confident etc. On the bottom (1-2 on the scale) is feeling weak, hurt, powerless etc. She said anger is about a 6/7, even feelings of revenge are better than that awful weak feeling.
So the fact that you are angry, really angry is a sign of your healing and how far you’ve come. Your anger is a sign. Your anger is your red flag that he (your b-in law) is not good for you to be around.
When my rage came up (triggered by my ex) I used it to walk, walk and walk (mutterering under my breath how angry I felt), meanwhile I was giving my body a good work out with all those powerwalks caused by his behaviour (true revenge-getting a fit body!).
I also used the energy from my rage to tackle jobs like cleaning the grout in my bathroom, and giving the bathroom a good clean (another good revenge- a sparkling bathroom due to ex’s off the wall behaviour).
The anger from being on the receiving end of my abuser mums abusive behaviour set me on the path to going minimum contact with her. I was sooo angry at her abuse of me, my anger/rage gave me the kick-start to start No Contact and maintain it.
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24th May 2017 at 1:05 pm #43070Confused123Participant
Hi Ladies
Thx u for all of your lovely advice, i used to always worry that if i get angry i was not moving ona nd still living in past. Have sort of trained myself that have to get over it and move on, but i suppose all things have a time limit and process
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24th May 2017 at 7:07 pm #43086NovaParticipant
Hi Confused…Just sending you a big hug! I feel like you when the anger and injustice catches me…I get stronger in my focus.. I think you sound really powerful!
It’s the horrible emotional feelings attached to it, if possible try to distract and get out & about. I find ‘they’ ( whoever is the trigger) seem less important after a bit of time has gone by. Even a couple of hours can make a big difference.
Keep going your free!!
CX
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25th May 2017 at 10:00 am #43120Confused123Participant
HI HUn
Thxs fro qqall the support, yeah am burnign it off in the gym to keep distracted . As for powerful ,that made me laugh, i wish , if i was would bring b in law down in a second, buts its nice to hear thats how i come across, lets hope he thinks that too
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