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    • #120356
      Hetty
      Participant

      A while since I left and now I’m really struggling with sadness and loss. When I first left I was so happy and relieved. Now I’m feeling so sad. It reminds me of when I’ve tried to stop smoking. At first you are feeling so rubbish you just want it gone out your life, feeling super motivated and even welcome cravings to overcome then slowly really start missing the “good times”, the wine and the sunshine and the cigarettes etc. I’m starting to feel really lonely and just so sad. The good times of when we first met have come back to haunt me. I’ve been doing a lot of decluttering of old photos and stuff and it’s mostly likely triggered me. I’ve also had to get on with sorting other practical things. I’ve read over my lists, read the books, watched the videos. I know I’m just going through what needs to be done but I’m scared I’ll give into my craving xx

    • #120358
      KIP.
      Participant

      It’s grief and it’s okay. We all have good memories of good times, otherwise we wouldn’t have stayed but deep down you know what will happen if you return and you’re better than that. I found a wonderful poem I shared on here about grief and clearing old memories out to let new ones it but I can’t find it. I found this which I liked too.

      The past is the past for a reason.
      That is where it is supposed to stay,
      But some cannot let it go.
      In their heads it eats away

      Until all their focus becomes
      The person they used to be,
      The mistakes they made in their life.
      Oh, if only they could see

      That you cannot change what happened,
      No matter how hard you try,
      No matter how much you think about it,
      No matter how much you cry.

      What happens in your lifetime
      Happens for reasons unknown,
      So you have to let the cards unfold.
      Let your story be shown.

      Don’t get wrapped up in the negative.
      Be happy with what you have been given.
      Live for today not tomorrow.
      Get up, get out, and start living,

      Because the past is the past for a reason.
      It’s been, and now it is gone,
      So stop trying to think of ways to fix it.
      It’s done, it’s unchangeable; move on.

      💕

    • #120359
      KIP.
      Participant

      I’m positive you’ve moved on from your abusers. It’s the feelings a trauma and grief and bond that remains to sort through and that’s healthy. So be kind to yourself, take baby steps and regroup. Tomorrow will be a better day 💕

      • #120364
        Hetty
        Participant

        Thanks so much Kip. As always your kind and wise words bring such comfort and strength. I think I’m feeling extra vulnerable because I’m recovering from terrible vaccine side effects and the long, dark month of January. I came across a quote today which brought comfort also “you did nothing wrong by asking to be treated right”. I won’t turn back, I can’t for my son’s sake, if not my own. The journey is hard and lonely at times xx

    • #120366
      KIP.
      Participant

      I always feel more vulnerable when I’m not well. In reality my ex would abuse me more and have no time for me when I was ill. He saw the vulnerability and exploited it. So there’s no doubt triggers there too. This too shall pass x

      • #120367
        Hetty
        Participant

        Mine too. Very little if any tolerance for me being unwell and usually told to get on with it or made to feel guilty or like I was weak so I’d give up and get on with it even when I knew it would make me sicker. Xx

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