Struggling with everything

[onceuponadream]

Hi,

I have have left a financial, emotional and sexually abusive relationship but it was all very subtle and clever not aggressive and in your face. I was always made to feel like his way was the right way and for him to take control of everything was the right way.
We have a business together which although I wanted I felt like it was his dream not mine and from the off I had very little actual input into it. I was often undermined and overlooked when decisions were made.
I left over a year ago but obviously we still had the business I tried my best to maintain a working relationship but it broke down completely. So I stepped back – I still had little to no knowledge of the bills or contracts and also had very little power to do anything. I had moved out so was not on sight so this gave my husband free reign.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago He decided he had had enough (I feel like he has been skimming the business but no proof) and he couldn’t pay the bills so he has upped and left and passed on my details to the suppliers and said I am running it now. But when asked for supplier info in regards to bills left to pay etc he has refused to provide the info. (detail removed by moderator). I am downing in letters to do with bills and I have no money and no stock to sell. I just feel like a rabbit in the headlights…frozen into place unable to do anything. Not knowing where to start. He is telling everyone im in charge but yet he has given me no power to actually do anything. I still feel controlled by him.

I can’t wait to be free of him.

I just don’t know what to do. Or who to turn to.

[HopeLifeJoy]

Oh i’m sorry he is leaving you with all the responsibilities but no actual authority to run your business. I don’t know what you need to do to deal with this, but you certainly need to start making some calls and check out your options. Maybe some people on here would know where to start, maybe citizen advice or right of women? i don’t know I’m sorry, just start calling everyone you can think of, it will lead you somewhere. Good luck honey, keep posting

[Cecile]

Go to one of the online debt management charities in the first instance, available through the .Gov website and recommended by the government.

[Iwantmeback]

I had a business, his name was on it too he knew nothing about the line of work but wanted to play the boss. I ended up thousands in debt, folded the company. Fir over a year I worried and panicked what to do all the time being told it was my responsibility, warned that we’d better not lose the house etc. I got in touch with one of those companies you hear of on the radio but they wanted money to set up a trust deed. I ended up going to money matters through my local council, citizens advice could do the same thing. Doesn’t matter if you’ve not got any information they’ll get it. The important thing is that you face this, I was suicidal, tried to a few times, thought that was my only way out. I’m now on the other side, nearly a decade later. It’s s.. t what he’s done to you, but you can fix this and when you get it under control and you no longer feel you’re drowning, you’ll be able to deal with anything. Good luck, just take it step by step.
IWMB 💞💞

[KIP.]

I’d start by telling all the people chasing payment that it is him that is dealing with it and give them his contact details. Be honest and tell them you have had nothing to do with the daily running of the business. Then speak to the police about his financial abuse. Citizens advice are a good source of information too. Get some free initial legal advice about any assets you have. Cover all the bases in case your car or home is at risk.

[onceuponadream]

Omg, thank you guys x I’ve been burying my head in the sand and just collecting letters…x i shall try to contact someod those agencies later today… I feel like im dragging myself through sludge. I’m feeling quite odd too at the moment…. Like i have the internal panic and gut wrenching fear, thoughts of ‘i cant manage this, I can’t cope, I want to lock myself away’. But yet I have this other side which everybody else sees my face and body language portray calm, happy getting on with it, going to work (I have my own full time job aside from the business). And tbh it’s starting to creep me out… Its like there are two different me’s at the same time. Sometimes the panic is stronger other times the happy is stronger… Normally its about 40:60 at the same time between panic and happy…. Does that ring any bells with anyone or am I just loosing it.

Thanks again x

[diymum@1]

I think we get used to putting on a brave face for the world to see? It’s part of the conditioning. I know what you mean it’s like your churning on the inside like you’ve swallowed a stone but on the outside you have a face that says I’m okay xx I eventually got to s point where he could be screaming in my Face I would go off to work and have a smile on my face like I wasn’t phased. It’s probably a coping mechanism and we learn to deal with their behaviour so we kind off learn to switch off xx

[Author]

Posts