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    • #134219

      I’ve been out almost (detail removed by Moderator) now and he is still trying to get me back which I am struggling with but the aftermath of the relationship is unreal.I have been trying to stay strong but finding it hard at times.He hasn’t been paying for our kids and he left me with this huge debt.I can’t even get a car on finance to get to work and drop the kids off because my credit score is so bad because of him.I just feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel.My fibromyalgia is worse than ever due to the stress.I don’t have any help with the kids.My family are far away

    • #134234

      Hi Neuranfang

      If you haven’t already, first step contact Child Maintenance Services. They will calculate, arrange and enforce maintenance payments. This is ok if he’s employed; you get minimal if they are on benefits or cooking their books if self employed. They may waive their £20 fee for DA applicants. For me, payment was sorted very quickly.

      Re: debt, I’m in exactly same position. Stepchange are great in helping you negotiate payments with creditors if you’re struggling to pay. It was a huge relief when I spoke to them. Wish I had done it sooner. They may also have advice re: debt occurring from financial abuse but I think if it’s in your name solely, then you’re responsible. All the credit companies I’ve spoken to have been really understanding and supportive when they are told debt is due to DA. I was able to sleep much easier when I dealt with the debt.

      Re: obtaining new credit, this will be an uphill struggle to obtain. I’ve accepted it’s going to be a long while until I can access any credit. Any chance of arranging a lift to take kids to school? Xx

    • #134240
      Main Moderator

      Hi Neuerfang,

      I just want to include a bit of support information for financial abuse as I can see this is a real concern for you now.

      Lifebegins has mentioned some helpful options. Do get in touch with StepcChange. They are a debt charity, that provide free, confidential and expert debt advice and money guidance, recommend the best solution or service for your circumstances, support you while you deal with your money worries for as long as you need their help, and campaign on your behalf to reduce the risk of debt problems and the harm it causes. They are contactable on 0800 138 1111 (Mon-Fri 8am-8pm, Sat 8am-4pm) or live chat via the website.

      The Financial Support Line for Victims of Domestic Abuse is a service specialising in the financial side of domestic abuse. Anyone who has experienced domestic abuse can call for one-off advice regarding debts, benefits and budgeting from the Financial Support Line, or self-refer for ongoing casework on 0808 196 8845 (Mon-Thurs 9am- 5pm).
      Also, The National Debt Line gives information and advice on debt; including bank, credit card, finance, mortgage arrears, council tax, hire purchase and utility debts. Issues dealt with include county court, refusal of credit, bank charges, harassment, housing and homelessness and bailiffs. The National Debt line is able to signpost callers, make referrals and can be contacted on 0808 808 4000 (9am-9pm Mon-Fri & 9.30am-1pm Sat)

      Turn2Us help people access the money available to them – through welfare benefits, grants and other help based on your particular needs and circumstances. They operate a confidential helpline and, on their website, have an income-related benefits checker, enabling you to check that you are receiving all the welfare benefits you are entitled to. The website includes a grants search containing the details of hundreds of grant-giving charities that may be able to provide financial support, information and resources on a broad range of money matters to help you manage your finances. Contactable on 0808 802 2000 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm),

      I hope this is helpful.

      All the best,


    • #134242

      With you on this one too. Its never ending. And its a nightmare. I discussed this credit rating with one of the banks and they said if you contacted the organisation who the debt is with there is a chance that when domestic abuse is involved they will be able to contact the credit rating agencies and change it. If you have evidence. The other people that can help are CAB with debt advice, and also the local GP should have a (I cant remember the name and cant find it!) but its someone who has access to applying to local emergency funding pots and will do an application for you, they can guide you on where to go for debt advice and all sorts of other advice, really helped me out a while back with funding as I was completely broke and couldn’t afford childcare, I didn’t have to pay it back. Also local Water company will put you on a £1 payment plan and then right off your water bill after 2 years if your circumstances haven’t changed. And also apply to your energy supplier for winter fuel payment if you haven’t already. Gas should also put you on a small payment plan too and then right off the debt, especially if you explain the situation.
      Look up Surviving Economic Abuse too for really good advice on post separation economic abuse. Child maintenance is a broken system. I ended up contacting my local GP who contacted them and straightaway it was sorted overnight practically.
      Stay strong, it will be properly over soon. xx

    • #134441

      Thanks for your lovely replies.I will try and find the energy to get the ball rolling and sort out this huge debt he left 🥲I am working full time and studying part time as it is really important for me to get a degree.My Ex made me drop out of uni over (detail removed by Moderator) ago and he wasn’t happy for me to go back to my studies.So I’m doing it now but it is very full on.Dealing with the ongoing daily abuse, full time job, part time studies and being a single mum to two boys.Now one of my kids contracted covid and we are at home.I constantly have to take time off work due to being ill or something with the kids.We are not co parenting.He is just demanding to see the kids every now and then.That’s it.He’s got drug problems and it seems to be getting worse since I left nearly (detail removed by Moderator) ago.Maybe better if the boys don’t see him.My family are abroad.I can’t go and see them over Christmas because of Covid and there is generally nothing to look forward to.

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