19th January 2016 at 6:41 pm #8003
I’ve been facing a hard decision the past few days which has resulted in a loss of a lot of sleep. To try and keep everything simple, I moved with my significant other to a new town states & states away from my home/my family last year and afterwards, he became very abusive/violent. Basically he hit me/tried to kill me. I moved out two months ago to a new apartment, but we both still live in the same town. While he’s found a stable job, a group of friends, and is “thriving” off of how charming he is, I am struggling. It’s expensive here, and I have tried to make it work for what feels like way too long. But I’m facing serious depression. It’s hard to get up in the morning, to go out. I gained weight and have low self esteem. I’m getting panic attacks and I’m crying all the time.
I’m debating going home but I’m so afraid. I’m still young. And my family is willing to welcome me back with open arms (they know everything that happened). But my hometown is small with almost zero opportunities, almost nothing to do, and everyone is more close minded whereas here there’s lots of job opportunities, open mic’s & art galleries, liberal people, etc. But I just feel like I need relief and I can’t take the pressure of trying to live on my own (it’s my first time).
I don’t know what to do. Going home feels like a failure and I’m afraid I’ll regret it. I just wanted everything here to work out so badly. Advice?
19th January 2016 at 7:34 pm #8004lover of no contactParticipant
Gosh you have been so brave. You have done remarkably well already. You have over-ridden your feelings of wanting to stay in the relationship, to getting away from your violent partner. Of course its difficult to cope with and deal with the inevitable feelings of loneliness and isolation. But you will have to feel and deal with ‘these feelings’ whether you stay in the city or go back to your hometown. You can’t run from these feelings, they will follow you wherever you go and just ask that you sit with them, process them, by sharing on here with us ladies (who have had them when we left our abusers). Know they will pass.
You are not on your own as you face your first few months on your new path of life. A path free of abuse. Post on here as you need. You are not alone. Lean on our collective strength.
The panic attacks, the gaining weight, the low self-esteem, the depression, the not being able to get up in the morning,and the finding it hard to go out are a normal response to trauma, to having been abused, to having experienced an abusive relationship. Its your body and minds way of coping, of witnessing to the fact that you have undergone something that was extremely bad for you (him). They are the signs. We on here have all experienced them in various ways and can identify. What you are experiencing is normal.
Gather as many supports as you can around you. Post on here and read the other ladies posts, ring Women’s Aid and talk through what you are feeling. Well done for having come so far and for having ‘survived’ intimate partner abuse (many do not). You will get through this.
19th January 2016 at 8:35 pm #8005Falling SkysParticipant
Hi and Hugs
Well done for getting out.
These abusers are so good at looking the victim, while we struggle to survey.
Get as much support as you can, I have a support worker and she a great sounding board.
It might be good to spend something with your family to gain strength and belief in yourself and start your new wonderful abuse free life.
Good luck and remember your a survivor xx
3rd February 2016 at 5:12 pm #8954
I’m sorry for the delayed response. I did choose to move back home, and things have been difficult so I was away from the computer for a time. Thank you so much for your immediate and thoughtful response, as well as the validation within your words. Hearing that I’m not alone and that others can relate helps me to keep my sanity. All my loves and light with you.
19th January 2016 at 11:02 pm #8013SavingmyselfParticipant
I think You are amazing leaving him and getting your own place
But as your are feeling low at the moment could you go back home for a few weeks to have a break and see how it feels there . I am in the same town as my abuser and if I can get away I just always feel less stressed
And you have lots of support at home sounds wonderful
Big hugs xx
19th January 2016 at 11:24 pm #8016Confused123Participant
Well done for getting out, can understand how u feel about not wanting to go bk to your family , the true answer is within yourself , I was same when I left my ex determined not to move town but in end sometimes family support can help , I had to go bk in end to family as my ex wouldn’t leave me alone , slowly am rebuilding myself , u get good days and bad days, if u going to stick it out stay strong , build a network of support , post on here and speak to ladies we all here to support each another ,get counselling it will help u recover
3rd February 2016 at 5:13 pm #8955
@saving myself: Hey you,
Thank you so much for the support and for the advice. I did move back home for an undetermined amount of time, and there is some immediate less stress knowing that I’m less likely to run into him around here. Phew. I wish you safety and peace and am sending big hugs back.
3rd February 2016 at 5:15 pm #8956
Hi, thank you as well for the support. Everyone here is so wonderful in responding. My family has been supportive, and I’ve only been back a few days but at least this place is familiar, and quiet, and my abuser is not in the same town. It can be hard because my friend support is far away, but it’s something. I hope that you are finding some peace in your days as well and I send all my love and light with you.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.