Struggling without the kids

[Workingonit]

My ex has the boys (detail removed by Moderator). We finally split up (detail removed by Moderator) ago when I finally had the nerve to call the police. He’s good with them and I know he wouldn’t hurt them. But when they aren’t with me I feel lost. Like I’ve lost my purpose. Having to get up for them and take care of them around work the rest of the week gives me purpose. It gives me breath. But qhen they’re not here- I don’t want to be here. I can’t cope. The only thing that stops me doing something stupid is knowing that if I’m gone they’re with him all the time. And they’ll never know the truth. I don’t overstate with them but I talk to them regularly about right and wrong behaviour. And about healthy attitudes to alcohol and women. So if I’m not here who would do that. But at the same time I am broken. I can’t cope with it all.

[Lisa]

Hello Workingonit,

Thank you for sharing this with us. I can really hear how distressing it is for you to be without the kids. It sounds like it is taking a huge amount of strength to get through the days at the moment. I imagine it is very difficult for you when they are with him and it must be very painful for you.

There might not be anything anyone can say to change how you feel at the moment but the forum is here for you and I’m glad you can use it to express how you’re feeling.

If you want to talk to someone, the Samaritans are 24 hours and are on 116 123.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Eggshells]

Hi Workingonit,

I can completely empathise.

Is there anything you can think of that might help to distract you?

What do you love doing apart from spending time with your children.

If you can find something you enjoy, it becomes a distraction initially then as time progresses, it becomes ‘me time’ that you’ll actually enjoy.

I got myself a pet (who is totally spoiked). I watch box sets, play music, sometimes I cook, sometimes I’ll eat peanuts and drink wine for my dinner. If you work on it, time without the children can become a time of self indulgence. You’ll still miss them but it will be tempered by the pure decadence of looking after yourself and no-one else. xx

[Author]

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