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    • #34304
      lilaclady
      Participant

      Still making plans to leave but as ever feeling stuck!

      Went through a week last week where husband was really nice and normal not overly nice just normal. I didn’t trust it. Then this weekend was great first actually nice weekend we have had for a long long time. He said a bunch of stuff that was good, owned his behaviour and his nastiness understanding how much pain it had caused trying to not do that again.. Like I say first time he has EVER said this without blame etc. I felt amazed but also..didn’t trust that either.

      SO THEN we went to see our counsellor and were talking about the hard stuff his anger etc and how I cant go on like that and did he own it then? No. And was annoyed I didn’t mention how great the weekend was. I sort of did but to me it was one weekend lets see the rest. So we are back to things being weird again. Our son had a huge tantrum last night and I could see it was winding him up, and he just stormed off and left me to our son. As usual had to deal with it all on my own. And then another dinner sitting in silence after he has said how nasty I was in the counselling session.

      And I just thought NO. No more. I cannot do this anymore. So I am willing to face the hell of leaving him, of getting out, of him trying NOT to provide for our son, of the nastiness he will give me when I do go. He has already told me if I leave again its over.

      I did find a place to rent but I turned it down as the weekend was good and they needed to know ASAP if I needed it. I can only hope something comes up for us in the new year as everyone is already starting to slow down for Christmas.

      I feel stuck like I’m on an endless hamster wheel of confusion, fear, mixed emotions…. and I just want it to stop now.

    • #34305
      EeyoreNoMore
      Participant

      From what I have read couples counselling is really not recommended for abusing relationships as it’s just another way from him to have his behaviour validated by a third party.

    • #34307
      lilaclady
      Participant

      It certainly feels that way. I felt completely minimised and also yes it gives him a reason like look it’s all about our communication! To be fair the person we see isn’t a counsellor she is a psychologist who he has been seeing about his anxiety and social phobia. But still doesn’t work for these types of relationships.

    • #38043
      Promises
      Participant

      I can identify with everything you have said. I finally drew a line for my husband last may, when he had one of his rages in front of my stepson. I realised at that point I could. I could not let my son learn that behaviour. Since then we have been to counselling together and apart and we have a couple of weeks when it’s fine but then something happens and he flips back, usually when he drinks. I then get the momentum to leave and it all calms down and then I don’t leave cause ‘now he understands’ and I hope that things can improve. But al this time I’m left feeling like I can’t trust him, and the love I had is gone, and I stay ready for my son. I really feel stuck in the hamster wheel of good then really bad then good then bad, underlying it all is the feeling of sadness for the loss of what I had hoped for my son and wishing it was all fine. The up and down the good and bad is just making the leaving harder, it would be easier if he was horrible all the time. I really feel for you, I really do know how you feel.

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