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    • #85756

      I can’t believe whats happened since the last time i posted on here a couple of months ago when I finally said I wanted to leave.

      To make a long story short we had a long chat about making things better and really trying our best to try and make things work, so I thought, why not give him the benefit of the doubt and give it one last go…

      Like I’ve said before, he works away a lot (detail removed by moderator) so there was the whole idea that ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ and he was gone for a couple of weeks. I’m sad to say I didn’t miss him at all and was quite happy doing my own thing and being alone at home.
      But anyway, things were going well and we both were really working on the things we had agreed on and it was good. We were more considerate of each other and were getting on, only the usual bit of bickering here and there, noting to worry about at all.

      The my birthday came around, he didn’t even bother getting me a card (he said he had been too busy because of work, even though he had come back the day before), but he did get me a nice pair of earrings I had asked for which I loved.
      Don’t get me wrong, i’m not materialistic at all! Plus we don’t really have a lot of spare money, so it’s more important to me to spend quality time together, show appreciation and have a good time which doesn’t have to cost us anything!

      But there was a complete lack of effort from him which upset me a bit as I have always made a big effort for his birthday, for example I blew up a couple of balloons and got a banner and a small cake to go along with the couple of little presents I had put aside money for over a couple of months, and I made sure to write out a really heartfelt card and put the effort in.
      But I let it go and didn’t show that I felt a bit put out, but It was made worse by the fact that he hadn’t even planned anything (I said a few weeks before that if we didn’t have the money to go out for the day I really didn’t mind and would love just go somewhere for a nice walk or take our bikes for a ride) But nothing happened.

      Now the next bit is what sent alarm bells ringing, Obviously I was getting messages in the morning from people I know wishing me a happy birthday, when he saw I was replying to a message from a guy I know who my partner doesn’t like at all (detail removed by moderator)
      Anyway, when he saw these he hit the roof and went mental, shouting, screaming, demanding to check my messages, saying he couldn’t believe I was messaging this other guy etc etc…

      This developed into a massive row and I refused to give him my phone because he was being aggressive and scaring me, this only made things worse, he said I obviously have something to hide (I don’t) he hid my keys as I was trying to leave the house and locked the front door.
      I was obviously incredibly upset and A bit hysterical because I couldn’t get away. But he eventually gave up and I left to go to the gym for a bit and I just wandered around town to kill some time.
      I eventually went home and he apologised as said we were going out to see a film but I refused and just went to bed. We didn’t really talk the next day.

      The following day he left for work again for a couple of days and this is where I really got to thinking, especially after confiding in a friend about what happened and he said that it sounded like a guilty conscience.

      My partner normally takes his laptop with him when he goes away, but it was left at home this time, so after a lot of deliberating I turned it on and started looking.

      I have found a couple of pictures of one of his friends naked, which I assume she has snap chatted him on his laptop before (that he had emailed to himself from his phone for safekeeping I guess), about 6 months into our relationship, which I confronted him about and he said he was sorry it would never happen again and he was an idiot, he did backtrack on that at the time and said something along the lines of ‘(detail removed by moderator)’ which I told him I knew was BS.

      Over the next year I did periodically check his phone and laptop without him knowing and never really found anything except a few facebook messages to girls back in his home town which were a little over friendly but nothing which I felt was enough to confront him with, so I wasn’t worried.
      However, I haven’t been able to check his phone for the last 6 months as he got a new phone and changed the password, but still found nothing on his laptop at all.

      But I checked it about a week ago, and lo and behold, I find an album containing (detail removed by moderator) intimate pictures of one of his friends (detail removed by moderator)…. I was shaking and felt physically sick, I couldn’t even move.

      I wanted to wait until he was back a couple of days later and see if I could get into his phone or Facebook messages to find anything else. But I was so furious I had to confront him, so I messaged me saying ‘(detail removed by moderator)’, just In case he said something I didn’t know about.
      And he did own up to it this time completely, but claims he regretted it and it meant nothing.
      We had had an argument at the time and he said he was ‘wasted’ and really upset?
      He later claimed he was really sorry and it was stupid but he ‘didn’t ask for the pictures’ and I shouldn’t punish him for that… Maybe he didn’t ask for them, but (detail removed by moderator)

      It’s was like a punch in the stomach and my mind’s been spinning, what else has he done that I don’t know about??? Especially since this isn’t the first time.

      He’s promised he will do everything humanly possible to make up for it and he said so many other things, I’ve told him I want to end it for good and I don’t trust him, but he wont have it at all.

      To top things off he is incredibly emotional and has been begging me to stay, and hes been saying he can’t live without me and we are amazing together, but I just can’t forgive and forget. There’s only so much I can give.
      I have been very numb this last week as I still love him but enough is enough now, in my head it’s over between us.

      This has been the hardest week of my life, I’ve broken down at work countless times, and I’ve just hidden myself away.

      The problem is, that even after everything he’s done between the messages and photos and the emotional and verbal abuse he’s given me since we’ve been together, I don’t want to hurt him and i’m worried he might hurt himself if I go, and that’s the only reason I haven’t already left. He has no family, his kids live with their mum and doesn’t get to see them a lot and he only has a couple of friends.

      I know this has to be done, but I’m not used to doing things for me and being selfish as it’s not in my nature and it’s really hard, especially when someone is literally begging you not to go….

      I’m so sorry for the long post but I had to get this off my chest as my anxiety has skyrocketed over the last week and I’ve really struggled at work today, I had 3 anxiety attacks today and I couldn’t control them. This has taken me over an hour to type up, and I hope it makes sense.

      I don’t know what to do, My plan is to speak to him when I get home from work (detail removed by moderator) and completely end it but I don’t know how that’s going to pan out… I’ve already packed a small suitcase with clothes and my passport, and anything else important, so I i cant go back I have most of my stuff) and it’s in my car if things go sour…

      I just need some support right now…

    • #85757

      Side note, I’m tempted to message the girl to see if she will screenshot the messages they were sending each other so I can see exactly what went down so I can make a more informed decision.
      To be honest i’m not even that angry at her even though she knows me, I just want to see for myself what was said between them as i’m sure he’s lying to me…
      What do you guys think?

    • #85770

      Hi Leeshwa, sorry you’re having to go through this. Along with various other things, I had this too. I felt bad checking his messages but saw what I needed to finally end it. I forgave him a number of times for the same stuff but he never changed. Personally, I wouldn’t bother messaging the girl. You know in your heart when it’s time. You deserve better. It’s infuriating wanting to know what was said / sent between them, but when you’ve decided enough is enough and you are worth more, it really stops being important. Xx

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