19th January 2020 at 10:53 pm #96065
There are things that my ex refuses to pay for and for bizarre reasons the courts agreed with him. So, he has filled in and signed a form for my child’s trip telling her that he isn’t going to pay (detail removed by moderator) I am offing livid with him for assuming he can just sign off things and expect me to pay without even asking. I will speak to the people involved in the morning. Since the children have seen more of their dad I am getting too many more hints of violence against me (apparently I provoke the children into uncontrollable and violent rages)
20th January 2020 at 8:54 am #96076
He has assumed that he has the right to sign forms without my consent and expect me to pick up the tab. I expect he will make promises to the children expecting me to pay with this kind of mindset.
20th January 2020 at 9:11 am #96077[email protected]Participant
It’s two things financial abuse and triangulation off the children. If I were u I’d go to the school and make him pay half. I’m Sure the school can do that especially if its ipay. The only way I see forward with this is to start educating your girls. Would they sit down with you and look at what triangulation is in relationships. It’s only fair to put them in the picture then slowly the penny might drop ? I know I sat my youngest down and told her what he was doing. If they could see that he was encouraging them to behave like him this is not him teaching them something good to establish their future. Because they will rear their kids like this ( I know I rear my kids as I was raised) they won’t have healthy relationships xx so he’s doing them an injustice xx he’s awful isn’t he? B****y minded by the sounds off it he sounds very dangerous for your relationship with the kids xx
20th January 2020 at 12:47 pm #96088
He’s behaving like an angry entitled toddler, waving court orders at me. I wish I hadn’t bothered to respond. I need to close the door on him. I told him that I’d sought advice from the police over one matter and that he has no control over things he’s not going to pay for.
20th January 2020 at 2:19 pm #96097fizzylemParticipant
Is it because you get a CMA payment MD? If so then I guess he sees it as your responsibilty to pay for the trip because he’s paid already? He does not have a right to fill out the form and say yes mum will pay though; this decison is yours based on your financial situation. If you cant afford it and want them to go school should be able to tap into a fund for you.
I would ignore him, but tell the school you’d like to be advised if he repeats this, and save all the forms.
If it is this, its rubbish, my ex’s child support nowhere near covers half the costs and he purposely doesnt declare alot of his income to keep his payments low – and there’s nothing I can do about this – he’s just a scumbag x
20th January 2020 at 2:23 pm #96098KIP.Participant
Could you tell the school that he’s signed the form so he must be paying and get them to chase him for the money directly. At the very least it might embarrass him when the school says well you’ve signed so you pay?
20th January 2020 at 6:51 pm #96111
My ex pays nothing towards the children. Not a penny. He complains loudly if he has to pay for a haircut. I’m not doing the CMA route as they’re useless and although he’s on benefits so he would pay the bare minimum he has plenty of savings and I prefer a lump sum towards their upkeep.He’s continually lied about money and now pleads poverty although he seems to have enjoyed a few foreign holidays recently and takes himself to events on a pretty regular basis. He’s also got a load of my mum’s money. I know he’s a spendthrift and money falls through his fingers. He racks up debt and indulges himself in projects that never reach a conclusion. These have been most definitely expensive. He’s left loads of equipment at the house which he needs to get rid of. .
The school trip was fully booked so my daughter couldn’t have gone anyway. I just really don’t like that he believes it’s ok for him to fill in forms for extra curricular trips without telling me and just expect me to cough up. It is not the same as booking an appointment for the children and telling him in plenty of time so he can either change it or ask me to pay. But no, it’s my fault. What an idiot he is. Grrrrr.
I just don’t know who to speak to about this. I really don’t want to have to go back to my solicitor. He’s got masses of ££££ to spend on going to court which is another reason not to believe his pleading poverty.
20th January 2020 at 7:13 pm #96114KIP.Participant
How about your daughters. Tell them the truth and forewarn them that he has no right to commit you to paying for things you simply can’t afford. No point in tackling him because that’s what he wants. My ex stole thousands and lied about his income. Nobody seemed to give a sh*t. Would have cost me everything to take it to court. I played fair all along and really lost out badly for my honesty.
20th January 2020 at 9:43 pm #96127
No more court. I want someone to tell him That he isn’t allowed to bring spurious cases in front of a judge. So far he’s done quite badly in some ways apart from all the lying. He’s good at that.
20th January 2020 at 11:30 pm #96132fizzylemParticipant
Why would you not want to make sure your child / children have what they need? Pretty much most of what I get goes on my child and I dont begrudge this in the slightest. They think they are screwing us out of money, thats the mind set, making things difficult for us, you simply cant operate with this mind set.
Yeah if hes on benefits in the eyes of the system then you’re not going to get much there are you MD.
I resolved my anger about financial matters by letting it go but then I do get a bit each month so better than nothing, I just couldnt deal with the pathetic school boy excuses any longer. I take care of my child and what she needs now; and now shes older she knows he’ll peel and orange in his pocket – everytime.
It quite literally costs us thousands knowing these men, and it costs us in so many other ways; they also tend to leave costs everywhere for the state or others to pick up. It’s so difficult to deal with because they create more mess wherever they go and pull us and everyone into it, so there’s always a next and next. They need stringing up the lot of them!
Try to ignore him MD, works for me and stick with what you’re doing – unless I have to deal with him I wont, Ive come to expect he will always be a scumbag, thats just who he is, so I’m not going to waste my time getting annoyed about it again and again with each next scumbag act x
21st January 2020 at 8:22 am #96140
Scumbag’s a good word! Yes, these abusers leave in their wake a trail of destruction. I have very little contact with my ex usually apart from when the children are coming and going. I was just shocked that he’d expected to be able to fill in a form and I would just pay for it when he knows full well he isn’t allowed to spend my money or assume my financial position. He behaves as though I have won the lottery. I am not going to engage with him and tell him he’s wrong. Frankly he can keep on digging his hole. We parted with my having only a small amount of money more than him.
He did exactly the same with his first family. He’s such a poor little victim. Actually he’s a parasite and I wonder what assets his new girlfriend has that he is planning on plundering.
21st January 2020 at 10:56 pm #96189White RoseParticipant
Whatever this is it’s manipulative and he’s got what he wanted- angry you and a child who may not get the trip he’s no doubt promised that “mum will pay”
He filled the form in so he should pay – but we all know he won’t be cause that will hurt the child and make you look the baddie in everyone’s eyes.
The kindest things to do is explain to your child that neither you nor dad can promise you’ll be able to pay so they might not be able to go, but ask school if they have a hardship fund – many do..
I’ve been there too – it made me mad making excuses for him not paying while trying to fund it as ot was an important trip for my child exams.
Whatever you do he will feel he has the upper hand – scumbag sums it up pretty well. He may end up laying for it just so he can be seen the hero of the moment paying at least minute, if so grab the money and run!
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