- This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 3 months ago by
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I think we go back to things because we think it might be safe. When my eating was out of control I couldn’t trust myself enough as I was recovering that recovery was real. I hung onto it for a long time. I think alcohol can be similar. Please forgive yourself, allow yourself a lapse of judgement. You are what matters now. I bet things have changed over the years and I bet lots of positive things have happened. We all make mistakes. Please try to find something kind to do for yourself and forgive forgive forgive. You are not losing it!
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Hi, abusers will always be toxic to us on some level. Did you ever receive good counselling? If not I would strongly recommend some from a trained domestic abuse counsellor or a trauma counsellor. No experience is wasted if we learn from it. I remember feeling such anxiety not knowing what he was doing, what he was upto. In some ways it was easier when we were together as I could predict and possibly avoid an abusive outburst, or at the least I could see it coming. Whatever reason for looking him up, you’ve been reminded that no good comes from it. So pick yourself up, dust yourself off and begin again with total zero contact. Including looking him up.
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