- This topic has 18 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 1 month ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
I was made aware that my ex now has a new partner(with a child)…I contacted her – not slating my ex, literally said Hi, check out Clare’s law, good luck & stay safe. Regret doing so now – she contacted my work saying I’m harassing her and she’s been to the police. Work aren’t interested & yet to hear from the police. To be honest – what are they going to say? Oh you suggested Clare’s law to protect a fellow woman. What I do regret is that he will obviously know now & poking the hornets nest wasn’t my intention….next time I’m staying out of it. Just worried about the back lash now.
-
Hi, I know how you feel about the backlash. If you remember back to the honeymoon phase when you first met him, no doubt she is still caught in it. Back then you wouldn’t have believed it either. As far as I know there is a part of Claire’s Law that allows you to request the police make a visit to a new partner if you’re concerned for her welfare. I did it. What you did you did with the best intentions and harrassment has to be ongoing not just one isolated incident although you don’t know if she will lie so I doubt there is anything the police can do. Just watch your back. Every time I reported my ex there was some sort of backlash. He fired me in to the benefits office. One day she may thank you for the warning. Not for a while though.
-
Good for you👏👏 you have done nothing wrong except try to give another woman the heads up about her new partner. KIP you’re right there’s a part of the disclosure form you can fill out for the police to talk to the abusers new partner.
If there’s any backlash you know it’ll be from him directly or indirectly and the police will take a very dim view of that. As KIP says, she might not thank you just now, but unfortunately she will in the future.
IWMB 💕💕 -
-
Oh go you!!! How awesome, no matter what she believes (because her experience is very different at the moment she might find it difficult to believe) if she gets a visit from the police based on his previous behavior towards a woman. Maybe she will think twice, you can do no more.
Try not to worry, I know it s hard, and I totally get the whole ‘hornets nest’ thing, but ty to know that you DD a good thing.
These abusers should totally get their behaviour forwarded, to keep going forward with them, and Clare’s law facilitates that…if everyone did this many wen would be kept safe.
You did a great thing!
Warmest wishes
TS -
-
Maybe we should start a campaign called “pass it forward” where everynew partner is warned by the previous one or a website where you can post anonymously. The law is too slow.
-
Hear hear KIP. I wonder where we’d stand if we posted on social media after all court cases and things died Down.
I can just imagine,
ladies if you ever meet this man,(full picture included) RUN . Don’t get involved, he is an abuser of the worst kind. He lies, convinces you, you’re going mad, won’t let you seeing friends and family, will tell you where you can go, what to wear, what to eat. Will threaten to have your children taken from you, and so much more.
I mean it’s not libel and it’s not slander, as everything about them is true. Oh if only😏
IWMB 💕💕
-
-
Hello Rebirthaftertrauma,
I am so pleased that you have got some support here. I just thought I would add to the above by saying if you are feeling fearful you could always phone the Police yourself and say that you have warned his partner and you are worried about reprecussions. Then if he does anything (which hopefully he won’t) at least you have your fears logged? You can just phone 101 and make a quick report.
Best wishes,
Lisa
Forum Moderator -
Calling that kind, concerned, sisterly message harassment is surely him behind the scenes. The police will laugh at the very idea and probably tell the new partner to take your advice!
It has to be repeated unwanted messaging before it’s harassment. Once doesn’t count.
You’ve done right by her, darling. Now you can forget it with a clear conscience and an easy mind.
Flower x
-
Thank you all so much for your support. I felt so confused when work called me about the report. And Lisa – I will take your advice and report to the police. It’s frustrating that as women we can’t unite and see each other as rivals / jealous women. In the early days I was blinded – mind I wouldn’t have contacted someone’s work & would definately be too curious not to apply for it
-
Ive contacted the police- the man I spoke to was brilliant, didn’t see it as harressment and has organised an interview for me as he considered it a domestic. Also informed him of the contact my ex made to my previous partner (detail removed by moderator). I had informed the police at the time and was advised to ‘let it go’ (He made me feel like I was in the wrong & kept stating he can’t control or hurt you now, let it go, ignore it) the policeman tonight was really cross stating that it’s classed as domestic and wants me to mention it when interviewed. I had a call back from another officer to confirm the interview for later this week – this officer advised that my message could be classed as harressment! Throughout this process – from the beginning have been given mixed messages from the police. I will be armed with the legal definition of harressment & remind them I don’t need re-traumatising – I only want it documented as evidence in case he escalates.
-
Get legal advice. I was detained because my ex lied to the police. The advice from the duty solicitor was to make no comment. It’s upto the police to gather information and see if a crime has been committed. You do not know the law. You may have the moral high ground but that will not stop you possibly getting an official warning on the record that could affect your future. Or worse being charged with something. Make a complaint that your accusations were not taken seriously when you reported harassment but please please get legal advice. Ring Rights for Women. Tread very carefully, the police have to be impartial in every incident.
-
-
-
I don’t want to worry you but the police have a duty to do their job and if they see a crime has been committed their hands may be tied. Even before you make a statement about what you did to the domestic abuse police, get legal advice. If they’re questioning you about a possible crime they will ask if you want to speak to the duty solicitor. By all means tell them everything about your ex. Get all that down in a statement and your complaint that it was not taken seriously but be very very wary of admitting or even speaking about what you did. Good luck. We all know you did it for the right reasons and how brave it was of you to do that but protect yourself. These abusers are dangerous and won’t think twice about lying or getting others to lie on their behalf x
-
-
Thank you for doing so! with time she will understand, with time she will experience on herself, he will not change, he will not become suddenly a nice man. At least now she knows Clare’s law. More likely your ex makes the evil out of you, or call you a crazy woman. As mine two exes did, I was the crazy one, as I did want out and tried my best.
Time passes and she might be later contacting you and tell you, thanks for pointing me out. Police know what he did, he would not be on the register. I will be listening for sure, if someone would warn me now about a man, this will not be disregarded. -
I would also take note and get shot -I suppose were different as we all have experience of DV. Other women might try to minimise or ignore what they’ve been told but sadly it might dawn on them when it’s too late or they’re trauma bonded. One things for sure it’s a sure way of ensuring a conviction due to the proven patterns of abuse xx 💕
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
