- This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 12 months ago by jsscollie.
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3rd April 2017 at 12:34 pm #40256jsscollieParticipant
Last night the children told me that their father had threatened to take his own life (detail removed by moderator) to stop the current actions going any further. My head is spinning. I have no idea what to do or what to say to them.
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3rd April 2017 at 1:57 pm #40260HerindoorsParticipant
Hi jsscollie. Call MIND and talk to them about this. My ex used to threaten suicide all the time and like you I had no idea what to do. When I spoke to MIND they reassured me that people who talk about it very very rarely do it. It is a form of coercive control. I also spoke to my counsellor about it – as I had convinced myself that if he did do something to hurt himself that it would be my fault. I could not get away from the fact that if I knew about it, and did not do what he said to stop it, then it would be my fault. Both MIND and my counsellor where adamant that I needed to accept that he was totally responsbile for his own actions and that I was not. It took some talking but finally I realised that they were right, I had no control over what he did or didn’t do and in fact he was controlling me with these threats. Take care xx
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3rd April 2017 at 7:57 pm #40283LisaMain Moderator
Hi jsscollie,
Thank you for your post. I can understand how upset and confused you must be and I just wanted to write you a little line of support. I would recommend that you report his threats to social services and that you log it with the police. Without wanting to frighten you a threat to commit suicide is a risk factor so if you report it to the social services and the police you might also want to think about stopping his contact with the children. Social services might also want to have his mental health assessed, perhaps you could speak to his GP too.
You are such a strong woman. Please keep posting to let us know how you are getting on.
Best wishes,
Lisa
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3rd April 2017 at 11:22 pm #40304RibenaParticipant
Hello, I feel for you. My ex has countless times threatened suicide, too many to count, and he has attempted it. It is despicable for your ex to say it to his children, but these men don’t think about the effects these words have on little ears. As Lisa says, it is a risk factor and whilst you are not responsible for your ex’s welfare, you are responsible for your childrens. My ex is currently only allowed supervised access to our children, and one of the (many) reasons why are his mental health issues and suicide threats. Your ex should not be offloading this on his kids – whether he genuinely feels that way or is just attention seeking and trying to regain control, it’s appalling for children to hear that. If you have concerns for your kids when they are with him, you must seriously consider getting the police involved and stopping unsupervised visits.
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4th April 2017 at 12:09 pm #40326jsscollieParticipant
Thanks everyone. I couldn’t seem to think straight at all yesterday and all I could feel was shame at how much the children are going through as a result of leaving him. I’ve gone no-contact but it’s just moved them into the firing line.
Your messages of support have helped this morning – I’ve managed a hot chocolate and I’ll log it with the police. I’ve only spoken to Social Services briefly once before, and while it’s scary I think they may be able to help offer support.
My biggest worry is how this will impact on the children longer term – its overwhelming to think that they think any of this situation is normal.
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