Support

[Benson]

Hi all, had quite a difficult weekend, did write it on here but the post got taken down- not quite got a hang of the forum guidelines yet! Anyway I have once again pulled myself together. But just want to say that this week Is going to be one of the hardest weeks of my life, I am absolutely dreading it and I am having to do it alone, just hoping I am going to be safe and not followed afterwards.

[KIP.]

Reach out and ask for help. Ask for a police officer to escort you to and from your car. Ask for victim support or women’s aid to accompany you. Citizens advice etc. You should not have to go through this on your own. Remember the reasons and the goals behind it. Keep picturing a positive outcome. Keep asking for help and you have a right to be safe. Shout loudly x

[lover of no contact]

Hi Benson,

We will be thinking of you and praying for you. Yes get all the support you can. This is their job to protect you and keep you safe so as KIP says get police escort to accompany you. I would ask if they could escort you to and from court to ensure you are not followed. I would definitely ask Women’s Aid to accompany you and be with you in the court. That also is part of their service. Use all the support you can get. Its the only way. We really can’t do it on our own.

So glad you’re posting on this Forum to get our support and prayers:)

[Benson]

Thanks for all your kind words – I appreciate all support and prayers, I am digging deep to find the strength to do this. Your right I should be supported, I have tried and expressed my concern. It’s difficult because the change of area so the women’s aid where I currently live won’t travel that far and as I have move out of the area I previously lived I am no longer a client. Police also don’t get involved (Detail removed by Moderator), however I have been told Police in the area have been made aware. I just don’t want to be followed after, that is my biggest fear. I will keep posting as your kindness and support will help me do this, when I just want to run and hide. Thank you again.

[lover of no contact]

Hi Benson,

That seems so unfortunate about Women’s Aid and your catchment area. Is there any other charity where someone could accompany you? I asked 3 friends (only at the last minute, I was going to (Detail removed by Moderator)on my own) and it was the best thing I ever did. I felt so supported and not so vulnerable. There’s safety in numbers. Could you ring WA and ask them what other charity/volunteer place could provide someone to accompany you. I really don’t think you should have to go on your own.

Yes its important you are not followed after. What about a taxi taking you home and/or changing taxi en route so you can’t be tracked?

Any other ideas ladies?

[lover of no contact]

I will pop into my local chapel tomorrow morning and say a special prayer for you. You are not alone in this.

Your ex is a low -life, low -power. Believe and trust that a Higher Power, “a Power greater than ourselves” will mind you and your little one, and especially mind you this week, on that challenging day.

Your ex ( the abuser) is lacking in so much, all he has is his intimidation and bullying ways. You however are full of goodness, empathy, talent and creativity, love etc. Remember this. You are streets ahead of him in every way.

[Sad sunflower]

Hello @Benson. I don’t really know much about your story but will be praying for you as well. Stay strong!

[Benson]

Thanks everyone, I am really scared now. I have put my own safety plan in place. I live hundreds of miles away (Detail removed by Moderator) so couldn’t travel by public transport. I need a lot of strength to do this and going to try to close my ears to the things I don’t need to hear out of his mouth. I am hidden as we speak and just pray I stay safe until it’s over and I can go home. I nearly had a panic attack just returning to the area! However it has confirmed that I did do the right thing moving away.

[KIP.]

Hang in there. Ask security if you can leave the building first and he can remain until you have left. Check for tracking devices too especially if he knows your car. You can do this x

[Benson]

Thanks KIP, I have already factored this into safety plan. Been up most of the night worrying. All I keep thinking is I have to do this for my child- she is my world. I have something very special planned for weekend so just going to focus on that.

[lover of no contact]

Well done. You are taking the actions and not letting fear paralyse you. Yes you are the best person to make the safety plan. That’s a good idea about using security to aid you to stay safe while leaving the building. I hope you have someone to accompany you. You can always post here just before and after the situation you have to cope with, for support.

[Benson]

Thanks, I did it alone. It was an awful experience and I now need to process it, the words keep ringing in my head. It’s not over (Detail removed by Moderator), but need support for it and just don’t know where to turn. There are so many questions- I feel my safety wasn’t taken into account. I need to talk about next steps but obviously can’t put the detail on here. He knows I have gone and it came out that he was watching me leave at the previous. I know I am not making sense I am a utter mess – but I am home.

[Ayanna]

There are organisations like ‘Befrienders’, who voluntarily accompany people to events.
Is Ascent in your catchment area? They are very supportive.

They do not consider your safety. I had the same experiences.

I went into a pub afterwards and waited a while, watched the street and area whether he would hang around. He did.
When he finally walked away I took a bus in the wrong direction as a precaution and took the train from a much further away location when I was sure he lost track of me.

Every court has a separate entrance for victims, even the family court. You can force security to give you this separate entrance and a separate waiting room.
He would not know when you leave the building.
Although, he might still search the area once he gets out. My ex did that every time. He was early as well and watched me walk into the building.
The security have to give you a separate entrance and waiting room when you request it.
It was a struggle for me. I fought hard to get that.
As far as I remember I had to contact ‘Accommodation’ in the court to book the waiting room in advance.

[Benson]

Contacted local DA support worker as my head is in complete mess (Detail removed by Moderator). Also need some advice going forward, also as something came up which has once again made me have concerns about my safety. They are unable to even have a phone appointment with me for couple of weeks! Also I am abit shocked that no one has made contact to check I have made it back safely and I am not dead! Anything could happen no one would know!

[Author]

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