Support before/after leaving

[Muna]

I have been seeing a counsellor and have been researching things online and using this forum. I’m finding it really hard to cope. What I’m learning is really opening my eyes to see things that I thought was normal. It’s making me realise that I don’t even know what a normal relationship looks like which makes me really upset. My counsellor pushed me into talking about some issues when I told him I wasn’t ready. He let me tell him it was my fault and I hated hearing myself say that. I feel like things have got worse, but now I tell myself that they haven’t got worse, I’m just noticing it more. Even the physical things. Should I stop seeking support until I have left? Trying to come to terms with this and trying to be emotionally strong enough to keep my sanity is wearing me out. I wouldn’t have the energy to leave in a crisis even if I really needed to. The fight in me has gone

[bunsandcakes]

Dont stop talking. I know it really hurts. I say this having not started my councilling and group sessions (start in (detail removed by Moderator)) but have been talking to womens aid for some weeks / months now. It DOES make it feel more RAW but it also empowers you to get up the long term frame of mind not to accept this abuse anymore. I am in the same boat. Suddenly everything you think you knew is called into question. Its terrifying and very distressing. BUT the lid is off now. It wont stop. You need to talk so you can process and deal with the truth. It won’t go away even if you stop councilling, you will just make it harder for youself as you will not have that advice and ear to listen to your worries. Stick at it. x

[WalkerInTheRain]

I wish I’d had enlisted more support before I left. The planning and mobilising things in secret was incredibly stressful and I was full of paranoia.
If you carry on with counselling before and after you’ve left, you won’t have to explain your story again and will have that continuity of care.

[Muna]

Thanks for your replys. Maybe I need to contact women’s aid to help me make a plan to leave. At the moment I feel helpless and keep telling myself I can’t leave. The worst is when I have a good day, I know it won’t last and usually explodes! Did u wait till a good day to leave so you had a clear mind or did u leave when things were bad?

[Mellowyellow]

I wonder this Muna. I think right I’m going, when it’s bad but I feel weak. Then next thing I know he’s turned nice again and makes it hard. I think it’s probably easier to go when it’s bad? I keep saying right next time he’s nasty I’ll go. Then I don’t. Wish I’d done it months ago when he was acting really crazy when ur baby didn’t sleep and he pushed me out the door with the baby and a pram late at night when it was cold so she’d go to sleep! X*x

[Ayanna]

Hi, check this guide to collect your evidence to keep. That may help you later.

How To Build Your Own Domestic Violence Case Without A Lawyer

Have you spoken to Rights of Women?
Consider going into a refuge.
You deserve a happy and peaceful life and your baby deserves to grow up with love. x*x

[Muna]

Mellowyellow, I’m the same thinking I need to wait for something bad to happen n thinking I have so many missed opportunities. Ayanna thanks for the link. I’m sure it’s more simple to do a planned leave when things are calm. But it’s needing that ‘evidence’ and reminders that it’s the best decision otherwise I just flake. I don’t know why I let myself be manipulated and think these will be okay, maybe it’s just easier to cope

[Mellowyellow]

It’s so easy Muna to think everything will be OK. I think it’s a coping mechanism someone else said. I too think like that. We all want a happy home and family life as we’re optimistic? Reasonable people. We will do it! When the time is right and we are strong enough we will. I too worry about the justice system but I’m sure we will be supported xx

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