30th December 2020 at 7:21 pm #118719Pea2020Participant
I don’t really see the point in having a support worker. I have spoken to her once on the phone, since I was registered with my local organisation’s services.
We were due to have a phone meeting last week, but she was actually on annual leave and I had no idea who I was meant to talk to, when my home situation changed.
I feel completely unsupported and it makes me doubt even more that what I’ve been experiencing is really that bad and that I’ve made a fuss over nothing.
I’m leaving my husband (detail removed by moderator) and I’m doing it with no support from her, when she said she would help me.
Honestly don’t see the point in any of it. I have no idea whether she thinks its OK for my husband to have the kids 2 days (detail removed by moderator), once we’ve moved out. I have no idea what I’m meant to do next legally.
I’m feeling really low about it all.
30th December 2020 at 7:29 pm #118720Pea2020Participant
I know this post is really moany, apologies.
I think I just want to vent.
30th December 2020 at 7:42 pm #118722MadmamParticipant
I rang the (detail removed by moderator) last night and was treated like I was a bore to this lady. Even more of a kick in the teeth when you’re getting that reaction from a a woman. Hope she never has to deal with abuse. Lucky her.
The advice I got was to shout louder. I’m not a shouter (ironically), but I’ll have learn to do it.
Hope you’re OK.
30th December 2020 at 7:59 pm #118727solivagantParticipant
If I were you I’d try and change support worker. Maybe say that your personality ls don’t match and see if you can get a better one. My support worker talk about herself most of the time. Assumed I was okay and then discharged me and now I’m here like an emotional wreck!! You are brave and strong enough to do it on your own but you shouldn’t have to! So take it step by step. See if you can get a different case worker and call up local solicitors (30min free advice), give a brief description and see what they suggest. Take notes of what was said and see which one you like the most and then not only will you have the knowledge to know where you stand but you will also know who a good solicitor is when/if it goes into legal proceedings
30th December 2020 at 8:39 pm #118732HettyParticipant
Hi pea, I’m sorry you’ve had this experience with your current support worker. It’s a very scary time when we leave for many reasons and it’s important to feel you have the right support. For a period of time last year when I was trying to leave I felt wherever I turned a door was slammed in my face. Looking back it was partly the case and partly that I was feeling so vulnerable I didn’t know which way to turn.
With regards to contact I’d advise you to speak to a solicitor. I can’t tell you whether your partner should or shouldn’t see his kids. You are their mum, what does your gut tell you – will they be safe, can you trust him? It might be that until there are formal arrangements in place it can’t happen if you believe that there are safeguarding issues. No one can hold it against you – for protecting your children. Of course you’ll get all the accusations of alienating their father but contact us to meet the needs of the children, not the other way around.
Give yourself time when you’re out. No snap decisions need to be made. Just get somewhere safe and then you can think straight.
I still sometimes think I’ve made things up and perhaps it wasn’t that bad but I read back over what I’ve posted over the past year and that keeps me in the reality. Remember you are free to walk away from a relationship when you are unhappy and that’s the bottom line, never mind anything else xx
30th December 2020 at 8:42 pm #118733MovingonandonParticipant
From experience of having a support working from a DV charity. My only advice is hold onto them. Any time they try to discharge you from the service, refuse. Reason being. If you have a IDVA of support worker. You will receive legal aid regardless of your income, without one you may not be eligible if you earn too much. I’ve done the court processes and these men love to waste courts time etc we had to go back loads as he kept showing up either late or not at all. Without legal aid that would of cost me a bomb. Also, when it comes to other charities helping, for example, I had to set up from scratch. I was given a grant of money from one charity for Home furnishings. However, alot of these charities that offer grants or items or food won’t do so unless given a letter of support or application by a support worker. Mine was also absolutely useless, she’d do silly things like print me healthy menus because she assumed I couldn’t cook but never asked.
Hope this sheds some light on why support workers are actually handy to keep hold of x
30th December 2020 at 9:08 pm #118734DaffParticipant
Ive stopped my children from seeing their father due to safety concerns. Social services have said its ok as he will protect them (his new girlfriend has been having supervised visits with her own) they had no interest in his behaviour at all. I know im going to get its wrong stopping their father and hope cafcass will see why im doing it. Ive had questions coming from the one about consent. Im fighting all i can for my children but struggling with my own feelings as it feels like theres no time for me. Its the legal side im struggling with aswell (detail removed by Moderator). Im trying for legal aid (detail removed by Moderator), i haven’t told my family everything, but ive had help from my friend with the paperwork, i dont know if its right. (detail removed by Moderator), obviously his girlfriend has experience so i feel like they are in a better position than me. Do what you feel is right for you and your children, you know the situation. I hope you get all the help you need, ive been referred but not actually spoke to any one yet.
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