T R.. Crazy mixed up kinda of day

[Ladyclarabow]

Hi everyone.. I’m not sure this is going make much sense.. But Im have a really bad day. I don’t have any one who might understand..or feel comfortable talking to.. It’s been nearly a year since the last attack (sexual) ..its always been sexual, emotional, financial.. Fleeting threats of violence.. The rest is mostly emotional abuse.. Our history is long and complicated.. I met him very young and we been together over (detail removed by moderator) years.. But I confronted him after the last attack ..which was so bad it has left me with ptsd..although I’m pretty sure I’ve been suffering from it for longer.. But I told my g.p what happened (I nearly died of embrassment) she’s been my g. p along time but very desperate and alone and like I had no one to turn too. She was great and put me in touch with support groups .. he knows I told her.. And that Im seeking help and since then its been all about him being sorry, giving me time, and being the best husband in the world..
I’m so confused as to why he’s being nice to me..(apart from the fact i want to leave .. He has always been nice to me in front of others..and not so much one on one.. I get so confused with the mind games.. I feel I could never be without him one minute.. Then dream of being on my own the next..I’m pretty sure I’m trauma bonded to him.. I don’t feel strong enough to be on my own.. I genuinely don’t want to be with another man.. I couldn’t ..the thought of being vulnerable or intimate is terrifying.. I’m completely numb from years of living this way..
What keeps going through my mind is how much im used to him.. Blowing hot and cold.. Or acting like he’s indifferent to me.. I’m so throw that he’s trying to be a caring husband..i also seem to be carry a tally in my head at the moment of how often or how my times he’s attacked me (estimates ) .. I don’t know why.. It was only after the last one I acknowledged it had even been happening.. What’s going on in my head.. I’m waiting on couciling but it seems to taking forever.. I’m all crazy mixed up at the moment.. Thanks for listening to my rant.

[KIP.]

He’s probably being nice to you because he knows if you tell the police then he can go to prison for a long time. He knows you’ve spoken out to your GP. Well done for reaching out. Abusers thrive on secrecy x you’re mixed up because of the trauma and being with an abuser. They’re manipulating liars x

[Ladyclarabow]

Thanks @kip I just a mess of emotions at the moment.. But feel numb at the same time.. If that’s even possible.. X thank you for replying

[Lisa]

Hi there,

I just wanted to show you some support with this too. It’s understandable why you’d be feeling so confused considering he’s being the ‘caring’ husband now.

It’s often at the time of separation, or if a perpetrator knows the other person is getting help that the abuse can escalate. This could mean that the aggression or threats could escalate, but it could also mean that the emotional manipulation could escalate which is what seems to be happening in your case. Abuse is really all about wanting to have power and control over the other person, and when the other person is thinking about leaving or getting help, perpetrators realise they are loosing that control. This is why the abuse tends to escalate at this point.

The safest thing for you to be thinking about going forward is trying to keep whatever support you’re getting as close to your chest as possible; the more he knows about what support you are getting, the more at risk of his abuse you’ll be (both physical and emotional).

Please don’t let this put you off getting support; it’s great to hear that you’re going to be getting counselling. Remember if you need any more support or information you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker via the live chat (Monday – Friday 10am – 12pm).

Take things in your own time and do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on, whatever you decide to do next,

Lisa,
Forum Moderator

[Ladyclarabow]

Hi Lisa.. I am desperate for the counselling now(hoping it won’t be much longer) .. or least someone who understands.. That’s why this really helpful.. I think the realisation of everything has been really hard mentally.. And definitely struggling.. I had 1 whole good week in a year and now my stomach knot is back and my aniexty is bad.. I’m just reading all the self help booklet I have to with the attack..and they do help get me back on the the right track.. Thanks for understanding and replying

[Author]

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