Taking a few small steps…

[starryeyed]

I wanted to post this under ‘positive moments’ because I’ve been posting a lot on here and I think it has mainly been quite negative stuff. I really appreciate the support on here, sometimes I wonder what I would do if I couldn’t post, it really has helped a huge amount reading everyones posts and hearing peoples experiences and advice <3 So thank you <3

Although I’m not feeling my strongest and not feeling very positive, I think there have been a few things that are positive in terms of taking action and trying to be productive, if I really think about it…

I heard back from my Clare’s Law application and I did get a disclosure. I’m really glad I went ahead and did it and I would recommend doing it if anyone is thinking about it. I’m not sure how I feel about the info right now, it is still sinking in. I think I thought I would get more closure if something came up, like it wasn’t just me going mad, but I find that my brain is still making excuses for him. I still feel strongly like I want to go back to him or at least get in touch although I know I can’t and this has in a way confirmed that.

Could I ask for anyones advice on how they managed to move on or fall out of love with their ex/partner? Because I am still really struggling even though I am more equipped with information.

I went to my local Women’s Aid and I am starting the Freedom Programme very soon and I was given the book to read through. I’ve been really nervous about going along to one of their groups (I reckon nerves because I think I overreacted and the abuse wasn’t that bad) but I stayed after my meeting and met some really welcoming and lovely women and I think I will go back next week.

I’ve started applying for jobs and have a meeting with a recruitment agency this week. I don’t feel ready for any of this but I need some money and I don’t know if I will ever be ready.

I wrote on another post (which reading now makes me sound really awful actually, like I do have many things to be thankful for and it came across quite badly :s) that I had some trouble with men over the weekend when I saw my friend. But thinking about it again, maybe this is a positive moment because I could see through both of them for what they were really like – I identified that they didn’t respect or listen to me really quickly and I told them directly I wasn’t interested.

And I have still not been in contact with my ex/partner despite really wanting to get in touch with him.

Trying to see the few small steps as positives <3 x*x

[Anabela]

It is very good to find something positive even during those days when you feel negative most of the time 🙂
And most of all, well done for still not contacting him. Every day of no contact is a victory. I think this is the most positive thing 🙂 I feel sometimes like calling him, but I know I definitely cannot blow my safety net.
I hope you will find a job quickly and the one that you like. Having a job has been really helpful for me. On those days when I felt like I don’t want to do anything just lay in bed. i still knew there are certain responsibilities I have to meet and one of them is to get up early out of bed and do the job I know for 8 hours. It gave me a structure plus I had amazing collegues, so job gave me friends.
And I hope someone comments on how they managed to fall out of love, because that’s a part I am struggling with 😀

[endoftherainbow]

Hello, to be honest, when I found out after I left about some terrible things my husband had done in the past, I felt relieved. He used to put everything on me, he used to say what kind of woman was I, that could make him act the way he does. Even though I knew it wasn’t me, to find out he had done it before helped somewhat. As for getting over and moving on, that’s a hard one. Even when I left I still loved my ex, it was the abuse that drove me away, the only way I could deal with this was to go no contact. Some days I feel like I’m drowning in anger, sadness and resentment, I itch to contact him, even if just to tell him how angry I am at what he’s caused, but I ignore this. I would love to put him totally out of my mind, but I know this won’t happen yet, hopefully one day. I cash only suggest you take one day past as time, don’t worry when you have down days, it will start to get easier, you will finds the gaps between thinking about him will get bigger and easier to manage. I have it written down the reasons for leaving and how I felt, and then the positives of life since I left, I have this on my kitchen wall, my sister had it framed for me! It gives me strength when I need it.
Good luck, stay strong and big hugs x*x

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